MissTick
Thingish Things

 Well, this is not about what you might’ve though it is. Just some boring amature psychoanalysis. Don't say now you haven't been warned.

This used to be the hottest topic of my thoughts. Every now and then I would mule it over and over in an attempt to find an answer that would satisfy me. And every now and then I would give up trying because while it feels as if I’m “almost there”, but there is always something’s missing out of equation. You know the feeling, don’t you? Anyway, this time it is yet another take on the same and I have this feeling of somewhat excitement within, as if most possible I have nailed it this time. Who knows and why would I want to be sure anyway?...but the thought is interesting, and so she will have to be recorded.

The thought was about reality and imagination. And in this context – our reality against somebody else’s imagination. The trigger question – when someone sees us as something we don’t believe we are does this mean – we are not ourselves with them? 
Do we fake us, wear a mask? 
Do we intentionally (or even unintentionally, indeed) mislead them and show them not the real us? 
Just how sincere we are with others?

I banged at all the doors in that corridor before, lashed myself for hypocrisy…why does it bother me? I am not sure. Perhaps, it means a lot to me to be in peace with how the others see me, to be sure for myself that I’m not a fake, a mask, even if what they see is not what I think I am…

And then it hits me suddenly – I’ve been looking from the wrong side. I know what I am in my reality. And then I hear “you are so and so” and I’m thinking to myself: hold on, I am nothing like that at all, they must’ve misunderstand my presentation. Oh, even worse: I must’ve misled them somehow, gave false impression…I feel bad. Normally I do, even if the me they see is a flattering image. Yet I’m not perfect and I know that perfectly well…always uncomfortable feeling.

But what if we assume that it is not us, but them who see the real side of us?..what if we underestimate what we are? We are short-sighted when we look at ourselves. You can only look in the mirror one way – up front. The others have that unique opportunity to see us from our different sides, when we turn slightly, the backside of us. So why then I assume that I know more of what I am, if I can’t even look at my own behind?..

What if reflection that we see in another’s eyes is still very much us? That something of our person that we have no way to see, for it could be only viewed from outside? What if when we are told what we are it is, actually, the truth?

It would seem what could be simpler: we know ourselves better then we know others. Yet others can tell us amazing things about us sometimes. Because they SEE that part of us. Not because we SHOW something we do not posses. (well, of course, sometimes we do “show”, but that’s another topic to discuss – the intentional pretence to gain something)

It occurred to me recently: we feel that in reality we are pale compare to the image someone has of us, but could it be because we are so limited in our perception of self. We can only see what’s inside, within confines of the body. We have no way of knowing what waves we are projecting on different spiritual levels and how they form that image of us in another’s mind. We think what they see is false, but maybe it is us who cannot see it in full?

 So when we’re told we perfect, we might as well are… (?)