Funny how misery can work for “fame”…dirty laundry display is sure way to get your diary to the top ten… not being disparaging, I simply am not proud that my diary becomes a frequent guest on top ten list for the reason that I put my very personal problems on public display. There is nothing to congratulate me with about this. It is a sad fact that it is all about what I exposed about my private life, and not the thoughts that I shared.
I also want to say few words to all who send me messages, e-mails, who call – I do appreciate it very much. And I value every word of what you are saying. I do apologies for not responding to the individuals. When your words strike a chord in me, I try to reflect it in my writings. Do not think I’m ungrateful; I am simply not sociable right now. it's that stage, it’ll pass…
Today my son came home to spend few days of his holidays. he will also help me with wallpapering - yupii! I’ve noticed how much easier it is for me to stay calm now…not because I have to pretend in front of him, but rather because there is someone close to me and he is so very near – I can reach out and touch him. And somehow having someone you love so close makes a day a bit lighter. His presence feels as if he picked up a part of load from me helping through, totally unaware…
A Friend said it won’t always hurt. And I know this is true, of course, nobody died from broken heart yet. I’ve found somewhere on Internet it takes 1 yr for every 5-7 yrs you are married to recover…by no means it is a guidance on how long one SHOULD grieve. It just a faceless statistics, take it or deny it…and to be an averaged statistics I will have to arm myself with patience for the next 4 years at least. There is NO WAY I’m going to waste all this time! Of course I am strong, I don’t “have to be strong”, because I am…I keep hearing this again and again, it makes me think that there must be something wrong with me.
During the previous months of coming to terms with reality when I couldn't get myself to talk to friends, and even to write in here, I've found a great support site - Daily Strength. I'm forever grateful to that click of fate that brought me there. They help me to understand the most important thing - it is okay to cry, to be angry, to be weak and to be in denial. These are all natural stages of the whole process of healing from separation...and I mean - separation not in a legal code, but separation emotionally, spiritually and in heart...our emotions are painkillers. One should not keep the pain deep within, it will eat you from inside. Like the drops of sweat during a fever take away unhealthy elements, expressing emotions works the same way. And gee, haven’t I sweat a lot?!
Even the strongest might have their time to cry and time to grieve and time to be a child and to be lost in emotions. The strength is not in not having moments of weakness; the strength is in ability to come out of them with the least losses…
I also want to say few words to all who send me messages, e-mails, who call – I do appreciate it very much. And I value every word of what you are saying. I do apologies for not responding to the individuals. When your words strike a chord in me, I try to reflect it in my writings. Do not think I’m ungrateful; I am simply not sociable right now. it's that stage, it’ll pass…
Today my son came home to spend few days of his holidays. he will also help me with wallpapering - yupii! I’ve noticed how much easier it is for me to stay calm now…not because I have to pretend in front of him, but rather because there is someone close to me and he is so very near – I can reach out and touch him. And somehow having someone you love so close makes a day a bit lighter. His presence feels as if he picked up a part of load from me helping through, totally unaware…
A Friend said it won’t always hurt. And I know this is true, of course, nobody died from broken heart yet. I’ve found somewhere on Internet it takes 1 yr for every 5-7 yrs you are married to recover…by no means it is a guidance on how long one SHOULD grieve. It just a faceless statistics, take it or deny it…and to be an averaged statistics I will have to arm myself with patience for the next 4 years at least. There is NO WAY I’m going to waste all this time! Of course I am strong, I don’t “have to be strong”, because I am…I keep hearing this again and again, it makes me think that there must be something wrong with me.
During the previous months of coming to terms with reality when I couldn't get myself to talk to friends, and even to write in here, I've found a great support site - Daily Strength. I'm forever grateful to that click of fate that brought me there. They help me to understand the most important thing - it is okay to cry, to be angry, to be weak and to be in denial. These are all natural stages of the whole process of healing from separation...and I mean - separation not in a legal code, but separation emotionally, spiritually and in heart...our emotions are painkillers. One should not keep the pain deep within, it will eat you from inside. Like the drops of sweat during a fever take away unhealthy elements, expressing emotions works the same way. And gee, haven’t I sweat a lot?!
Even the strongest might have their time to cry and time to grieve and time to be a child and to be lost in emotions. The strength is not in not having moments of weakness; the strength is in ability to come out of them with the least losses…