"Deserveness"
Sat Dec 29 2007

I've been scrolling through posts on the Daily Strength site…I can easily see the common threads, which is what makes this place a good support source. I believe in the old truths to be repeated again and again until they've wearied out on one only to be re-applied to another...and I can see people coming here, all with the same symptoms, all looking for a cure and all getting the same treatment and all eventually leave, healed to the point from where general "emergency" things are no longer needed. Somewhat make-shift ER for relationships victims. 

I let myself to wonder just how much of a truth there is in each faithfully followed "support injection"...probably not a lot. But nonetheless the most needed, so I'm not questioning if it is the right thing to do to say to someone "you deserve more then this", "you are a great person and he is a jerk"...it is a right thing to say at the right time. Humans seem to have that sub-conscious sense of how to stroke for each particular wound. And I've been on the receiving side myself, and I found that it does help. A lot. In fact, it might be the only thing that helped me through, as I didn't involve friends and family at all. 

The most common reaction one gets when pouring his heart out  “you don’t deserve this”…having been on that support site long enough I recognise the pattern very well…I have nothing against it. these are powerful words. I'm sure most of us never deserved what we've got. However, I have to ask myself: 

What is it exactly that I deserve? I mean not what I would be happy to have, but more - what would be enough for me to feel happy?
I WANT TO KNOW MY REALISTIC “DESERVENESS” 

I’m sure I can bring a lot to the relationships. I can also put up with a lot in them. And that was what I always thought. And now my ideals have been abused by selfishness and ego. And I think it is time for me to re-define those things I am willing to tolerate and the ones I can no longer accept. time to define what I worth, if only in my own eyes.
Sure I am not a perfect person. I have my own worms. But I know my limitations and when I have to press them against the limitations of another I wish that when we clash, the jagged edges just slide between each other, filling cracks, scratching the surface, but at least not breaking it...
 
I want to find out what exactly do I deserve to have. And I wish to make this my personal quest from now and until the day I know my answers.
2 Comments
  • From:
    Pragmatist (Legacy)
    On:
    Sun Dec 30 2007
    You've undertaken a journey, a journey to find what it is you *deserve*.

    It will be interesting to learn how you value yourself, and thus determine what you believe you deserve.


    Bless
  • From:
    DancingButterfly (Legacy)
    On:
    Sun Dec 30 2007
    I think regardless of circumstances, people deserve to have love, respect, trust, and honour. That starts with yourself. Then you can give that to others. If they can't give that to you, they should not be in your life, or at least on a very minimal level.
    I have a feeling this will be a very good journey for you. 2008 will be about MissTick getting to know Lana!
    P.S. I've added you to my friends list.