This is going to offend some. And I can’t help it, really. Though I believe people get offended by the words only because they place their own meaning onto them. This is so easily seen from the unnative speaker angle. I came across it so many times, I stopped bothering to make a notice. The luxury of native speaker is that you can say what you want to say. Foreigners will say what they think. If I use a word, this is because in my dictionary this word matches what I am thinking. Not what “I think I should be thinking”. A little nuance, but makes a huge difference. I would strip the words from the cultural accents and use it for the dictionary meaning instead.
So when I’d say “I wish to be as fuckable”, I say it not because I meant: “you are fuckable”, but because I mean exactly what I said. As a matter of fact, I do wish to be fuckable and I happened to see nothing wrong with this wish. I am a female, designed by nature to be wanted by a male. Oh yessssssss, It would make me happy if a stranger says: I wanna fuck you. That validates me. It happenned that it was fuckability that broke my marriage – my partner found other woman to be more fuckable then I. So naturally I should be looking for re-evaluation. To be a wanted, lusted for, female, which some male finds appealing not just by his mind, but by his penis too. What’s wrong with that? Isn’t it natural when male want female and isn’t it something wrong when the want doesn’t happened? So see: I used the word “fuckable” because that’s what I meant – I want to be that. And there is no adequate response to this statement other then action. One could say: ah, but you ARE fuckable and the words just won’t make any difference for nobody believes the words when they have no backing with the actions, right? So men can compliment me as much they like, saying how interesting, intelligent, funny, kind a woman I am…and I’d just ask: yeah, but do you wanna fuck me?
This is just an illustration of how not native speakers tend to use their words. We say what we mean with the best word we can find for it. You have to know limitations of the person you are talking to to understand them properly. I personally think sometimes it is the problem of the listener if they hear what THEY think I meant. And if someone thinks they know me and then thinks that I am the person who can come and say offensive things for the purpose to offend, I think they do not know me then. (now, that’s a lot of thinks here!)
I do admit I’m somewhat not in touch with my words recently. Maybe it is because I’m too occupied with finding the definitions for ME then tuning what I project to the others. Oh, and by the way, no, I do not use my divorce as an excuse for being such a bitch. And no, I do not claim my personal petty pain to be The Pain. I merely remind not to expect me to be the same as I used to be when “I used to be nicer” Not because I want to become mean from now on and use my personal drama to justify that. And not because I think my circumstances made me special somewhat. I am very well aware of the people out there who are so much worse then I am. I can even call my divorce somewhat “lucky ordeal”. I haven’t lost my possessions, I’m still in my home, I’m still capable to cope with reality without help of medication or enforced brain washing. I just have my few perceptions changed and divorce was the reason.
So no, I don’t use my divorce to beg for pity. I’m expected to “grow strong”, so I will, if only for the sake of “raising to occasion”. But I would ask you: if you expect all to be the same way as it used to be where were you last year to help me stay the same through the change? I didn’t make a secret from what happened in my life. It is a strange experience when you know your friends know you are in trying times and they prefer to watch from a distance… kinda made me question my adequacy as a friend. Mind you, that passed quickly. You just have to understand that each of us has got his own measures of what a friend should be about. Everybody loves you the way they can, not the way you want to be loved. This understanding does make it easy to get over that what doesn’t matter. What does matter is to stay true to your own self. And in my measures I am a friend, adequate enough. I would think of a friend on their birthday, even if not invited, I would not think twice to give a helping hand or give money or give time when needed. I would spend 5 hours in a hospital with someone, even if I have to go there after work in urgency, missing out on my rest, my meal and my other plans. It is strange to say, but it fills my heart with warmth when people to whom I am not even that close ask me for help which means I’m that kind of person in their eyes…if I give this impression to people, I’m validated as a friend in my own eyes then. I do not consider friendship is about nice words, it is about nice actions. Friends don’t ask you if you need any help, they know when you need it even when you do not admit it yourself.
I have noticed something recently: people like it better when I write about something that is created not by me. When I tell my travel tales or share rainbow outside my office, or copypaste some bollocks for a laugh. When, however, I put my own thoughts in the open. They are not taken nicely. They are even taken as offensive sometimes. Yet I usually do my best not to be too personal and not to mention other’s sensitive issued. And I was wondering how come there are so many people out there ranting away about so very intimate details and then there will be so many comments and opinions on what’s being shared, you’d be surprised how humans like to get into another’s dirty laundry…yet sharing thoughts and views and ideas doesn’t seem to click with many. I think, this is because we all have our own cockroaches in our heads, no one wants to add somebody else’s. I thought before that not many can understand what exactly do I write because generally we care of different things. But wait, I said to me, if what your mind produces are not taken by the majority, doesn’t it means there is something wrong with the product, not with consumers?...if so many people think you are talking bullshit, chances are, they might be right…it is not them, who reads. It is you who writes, the issue is with you…and the solution is to get rid of the issue.
It is truly IS easier to share pretty things and hide all the nasties of your mind privately. Indeed, why would anyone be interested in how your brain works his ways…it is my brain and if I let him to speak in writing, it should really stay between me and him. I guess, that means I may have to limit this place to the nice things only.
So I wrote this piece and called it – offence. For I suspect some might become offended. I do apologies if it is you. I can assure you it was not intended. What I said here is not my response to your words. It is my own thoughts on the ideas your words inspired my mind to. And this is the reason why I write in my place and not in your place. Because they are not what I wish to say to you. These are my THOUGHTS, not my WORDS directed at anybody in particular.
They build a new Art Center in the town where I live. A wonderful modern community joint aimed to spice up the life of locals with some music, entertainment, theatre and all. It is built in a modernistic style, actually matching the modern glass&stone Cinema on the opposite corner of a square. After the opening there were many posts on the local forum about how ugly the building looks like, how unispiring, tasteless, etc. Now I’ve been thinking: if you don’t like it, why bothered to leave negativity, when you can simply don’t go there anymore. If your experience there is unpleasant, stop coming.
I’ve just thought, of something else… if I’m into offensive today, why not add something about comments, just as well. Lately I’ve realised that comments cause problems. They create issues. Unexpected and sometimes unpleasant. They also put some demands. I have to clarify this again: I never leave comment for the purpose to get one in return. I do not mind watching the “thank you for your comment” traces echoing across the DDland. I just don’t do this myself, even if it means to be called – ignorant. Yes, I do have a personal issue with this, which frankly, concerns only me and is no one’s business. So the simple solution would be: no comments – no issue.
If we don’t understand each other, it’s might just mean we speak different language. We use the same words, but apply to them different meanings. Believe me, I do have lots of experience with this, I had too many bloody foreigners whispers overheard on the background of conversations. Eventually you just learn to stop noticing them. there is absolutely nothing you can do apart from trying trying trying…and even when you try your best it still won’t work until they try their best to understand you. to think of it, I haven’t met that many people with whom it was a perfect flow. Only few…surprisingly enough none of them were native speaker of my language. Tells you something, doesn’t it? You don’t have to have a common language to understand each other. You have to use a common dictionary of the meanings.
Hey, that’s a truly offensive post, don’t you think?... don’t worry, I’ll make sure you won’t see anything like this anymore.
So when I’d say “I wish to be as fuckable”, I say it not because I meant: “you are fuckable”, but because I mean exactly what I said. As a matter of fact, I do wish to be fuckable and I happened to see nothing wrong with this wish. I am a female, designed by nature to be wanted by a male. Oh yessssssss, It would make me happy if a stranger says: I wanna fuck you. That validates me. It happenned that it was fuckability that broke my marriage – my partner found other woman to be more fuckable then I. So naturally I should be looking for re-evaluation. To be a wanted, lusted for, female, which some male finds appealing not just by his mind, but by his penis too. What’s wrong with that? Isn’t it natural when male want female and isn’t it something wrong when the want doesn’t happened? So see: I used the word “fuckable” because that’s what I meant – I want to be that. And there is no adequate response to this statement other then action. One could say: ah, but you ARE fuckable and the words just won’t make any difference for nobody believes the words when they have no backing with the actions, right? So men can compliment me as much they like, saying how interesting, intelligent, funny, kind a woman I am…and I’d just ask: yeah, but do you wanna fuck me?
This is just an illustration of how not native speakers tend to use their words. We say what we mean with the best word we can find for it. You have to know limitations of the person you are talking to to understand them properly. I personally think sometimes it is the problem of the listener if they hear what THEY think I meant. And if someone thinks they know me and then thinks that I am the person who can come and say offensive things for the purpose to offend, I think they do not know me then. (now, that’s a lot of thinks here!)
I do admit I’m somewhat not in touch with my words recently. Maybe it is because I’m too occupied with finding the definitions for ME then tuning what I project to the others. Oh, and by the way, no, I do not use my divorce as an excuse for being such a bitch. And no, I do not claim my personal petty pain to be The Pain. I merely remind not to expect me to be the same as I used to be when “I used to be nicer” Not because I want to become mean from now on and use my personal drama to justify that. And not because I think my circumstances made me special somewhat. I am very well aware of the people out there who are so much worse then I am. I can even call my divorce somewhat “lucky ordeal”. I haven’t lost my possessions, I’m still in my home, I’m still capable to cope with reality without help of medication or enforced brain washing. I just have my few perceptions changed and divorce was the reason.
So no, I don’t use my divorce to beg for pity. I’m expected to “grow strong”, so I will, if only for the sake of “raising to occasion”. But I would ask you: if you expect all to be the same way as it used to be where were you last year to help me stay the same through the change? I didn’t make a secret from what happened in my life. It is a strange experience when you know your friends know you are in trying times and they prefer to watch from a distance… kinda made me question my adequacy as a friend. Mind you, that passed quickly. You just have to understand that each of us has got his own measures of what a friend should be about. Everybody loves you the way they can, not the way you want to be loved. This understanding does make it easy to get over that what doesn’t matter. What does matter is to stay true to your own self. And in my measures I am a friend, adequate enough. I would think of a friend on their birthday, even if not invited, I would not think twice to give a helping hand or give money or give time when needed. I would spend 5 hours in a hospital with someone, even if I have to go there after work in urgency, missing out on my rest, my meal and my other plans. It is strange to say, but it fills my heart with warmth when people to whom I am not even that close ask me for help which means I’m that kind of person in their eyes…if I give this impression to people, I’m validated as a friend in my own eyes then. I do not consider friendship is about nice words, it is about nice actions. Friends don’t ask you if you need any help, they know when you need it even when you do not admit it yourself.
I have noticed something recently: people like it better when I write about something that is created not by me. When I tell my travel tales or share rainbow outside my office, or copypaste some bollocks for a laugh. When, however, I put my own thoughts in the open. They are not taken nicely. They are even taken as offensive sometimes. Yet I usually do my best not to be too personal and not to mention other’s sensitive issued. And I was wondering how come there are so many people out there ranting away about so very intimate details and then there will be so many comments and opinions on what’s being shared, you’d be surprised how humans like to get into another’s dirty laundry…yet sharing thoughts and views and ideas doesn’t seem to click with many. I think, this is because we all have our own cockroaches in our heads, no one wants to add somebody else’s. I thought before that not many can understand what exactly do I write because generally we care of different things. But wait, I said to me, if what your mind produces are not taken by the majority, doesn’t it means there is something wrong with the product, not with consumers?...if so many people think you are talking bullshit, chances are, they might be right…it is not them, who reads. It is you who writes, the issue is with you…and the solution is to get rid of the issue.
It is truly IS easier to share pretty things and hide all the nasties of your mind privately. Indeed, why would anyone be interested in how your brain works his ways…it is my brain and if I let him to speak in writing, it should really stay between me and him. I guess, that means I may have to limit this place to the nice things only.
So I wrote this piece and called it – offence. For I suspect some might become offended. I do apologies if it is you. I can assure you it was not intended. What I said here is not my response to your words. It is my own thoughts on the ideas your words inspired my mind to. And this is the reason why I write in my place and not in your place. Because they are not what I wish to say to you. These are my THOUGHTS, not my WORDS directed at anybody in particular.
They build a new Art Center in the town where I live. A wonderful modern community joint aimed to spice up the life of locals with some music, entertainment, theatre and all. It is built in a modernistic style, actually matching the modern glass&stone Cinema on the opposite corner of a square. After the opening there were many posts on the local forum about how ugly the building looks like, how unispiring, tasteless, etc. Now I’ve been thinking: if you don’t like it, why bothered to leave negativity, when you can simply don’t go there anymore. If your experience there is unpleasant, stop coming.
I’ve just thought, of something else… if I’m into offensive today, why not add something about comments, just as well. Lately I’ve realised that comments cause problems. They create issues. Unexpected and sometimes unpleasant. They also put some demands. I have to clarify this again: I never leave comment for the purpose to get one in return. I do not mind watching the “thank you for your comment” traces echoing across the DDland. I just don’t do this myself, even if it means to be called – ignorant. Yes, I do have a personal issue with this, which frankly, concerns only me and is no one’s business. So the simple solution would be: no comments – no issue.
If we don’t understand each other, it’s might just mean we speak different language. We use the same words, but apply to them different meanings. Believe me, I do have lots of experience with this, I had too many bloody foreigners whispers overheard on the background of conversations. Eventually you just learn to stop noticing them. there is absolutely nothing you can do apart from trying trying trying…and even when you try your best it still won’t work until they try their best to understand you. to think of it, I haven’t met that many people with whom it was a perfect flow. Only few…surprisingly enough none of them were native speaker of my language. Tells you something, doesn’t it? You don’t have to have a common language to understand each other. You have to use a common dictionary of the meanings.
Hey, that’s a truly offensive post, don’t you think?... don’t worry, I’ll make sure you won’t see anything like this anymore.