MissTick
Thingish Things

...Security is another checkpoint for my reference to the happiness. I want security in my life. I used to define security by having someone by my side I can rely on, someone to help me when I fall, someone to trust that whatever happens they will be there for me. Now I discovered that the best person whom I can trust, whom to rely on is…me. It was not the disappointment, not eyes opening to bitter truth, but re-discovery of my own power. It feels good to be confident in your own strength. It doesn’t mean, however, that my dream of security fulfilled now. I now have other definitions for “security”, which I’m doing my best to achieve. Frankly, I believe the gaining self-confidence was the hardest one of all possible prerequisites for me obtaining that sense of security. It feels that any other things will be relatively easy from now on. Maybe they will or maybe they won’t or maybe once I’ll get where I think I should be in terms of security, there will be something else uncovered.

...Who said that we have to have our dreams fulfilled as soon as possible? If all your dreams come true right now, what are you going to do with the rest of your life? Have another dream. By definition dream are dreams until them come true. Then they become our reality. I am cautious with the people who say they have all they ever wanted. To me it sounds like a weather forecast for storm. It is tiresome to experience satisfaction for too long, eventually it will burst into the need to spice it up. And certain spices can make sick everyone else around the table.

Few random short thoughts, not destined to evolve in anything more then they are...unless they do:

…I do not like the question are you happy. I can only say I’m happy/unhappy right now. The life-long approximation doesn’t work for me. I have moments coloured in both. From time to time it feels unbalanced. It has been my experience such moments tend to pass...

…When we become dissatisfied with where we are, we start to look for new direction. If we’re not looking, it means we didn’t have enough of the previous one yet…

…Of course I want more from life. I just do not consider that I have little at the moment…

…One of the things Richard Bandler does best – he explains to you what you have known all along before him but he does it in a way that makes perfect sense to you. (That’s why they call it – “linguistic programming” isn’t it?) Really, why would anyone spend their money to listen to something they don’t have to be persuaded in, to nod to every story told, recognising familiar patterns, to get exited in “I knew it! I knew it!” way!? Maybe because Richard’s also a best hypnotist? (it’s “neuro-linguistic programming” in the end of a day!) …But I like him. I think it would’ve been fascinating to have a casual talk with him about non-business things, he is extremely interesting as a person. But from May and till now he has done all he possibly can for me. He can’t help me more then he did, I am learned all I need to know to deal with my personal issues now and I’m not interested in NLP enough to be willing to make it into professional knowledge and go through the certification program…

…I like one of the suggestions I’ve heard on NLP seminars. When we want to learn how to do something, we repeat doing it again and again until we’re learned. Makes perfect sense, doesn’t it? Now imagine that we happened to have a bad experience. Doesn’t matter which one, could be anything from insignificant to bigger-then-life kind of situation. What would happen if we then continue to repeat the same bad experience in our mind, re playing it again and again? What is more likely that we’d learn – how to do it differently or learn how to do it “better” (I mean more “skilfully bad”). Shouldn’t we be rather training our mind in good experiences instead? Instead of thinking what did I do wrong why not think of how can I do it different the next time so it won’t be that bad. (or at least it will be bad, but in other kind of badness). The idea is amazingly simple yet not many would give it a try.

…We don’t have to forgive in order to let go. (this is not what I’ve learned in NLP, this is my very personal discovery, so it might not work for everyone). I found that it is not forgiveness that makes me feel lighter about hurt in the past. It is acknowledgement that it did happened and yes I was hurt. Now what? Do I really want to stay hurt for the rest of my life? When I think of the ways to avoid the possible hurt in future, I concentrate on this hurt over and over, making it the central point on my mind’s agenda. How does it make me feel then? In my personal situation to forgive would mean – to lower my own values, means that such behaviour is acceptable by me. No, I don’t think I can manage forgiveness and I can’t find a single reason why should I. What I can manage is to seek the ways to ensure my values won’t get violated next time. We let go once we learned what needs to be done to avoid the hurt in future…

…If you start to miss the you from the past, change the present you to be better. When you like the present self more, the past can no longer affect your self-perception…

…the best way not to have expectations for others is to take responsibility…strive to feel good in every situation. That essentially means – get the feeling that you’ve done all you can ever do in situation and the rest is up to others…A friend recently shared with me her dilemma. She mistakenly gave the customer the wrong receipt while selling mobile phone to him (she works in mobile shop). She said to me it bothers her that he would notice the wrong mobile number on the receipt and might complain that this is not the phone he paid for or something. I said why don’t you call him – you know his correct mobile number. Call and explain the situation and apologies. She hesitated for a while, as she felt it will be too embarrassing to call. Eventually, she did. Later she told me how good this made her feel. And it was only embarrassing before she started to talk to him on the phone. I asked why it made her feel better, she didn’t seem to care much of the customer. She said: it gave me a sense that I did all I possibly can in this particular situation. Never underestimate the power of taking responsibility for your own actions...

…In relationships to give each other freedom means to declare trust. For some to be trusted could be too much as they have very low self-esteem and think of themselves as not trustworthy. They become suspicious why they are trusted that much,when they clearely not consider themselves unworthy of that, for them it indicates the other does not care for them…I don’t have a magic pill to help to overcome this issue. You just have to…trust?..Myself, I have similar kind of issue. When given too much freedom, I feel that I’m not interesting enough to them to make an effort to know me better, to learn other aspects of me apart from the ones I share by my own initiative. However, what I discover sometimes that the freedom is actually not in allowing me the freedom to pursue my own interests, but to allow me to choose myself which of my own interests I’d like to share and when. Still doesn’t mean that it doesn’t ouch to experience what sometimes perceived as indifference…

…again a story I heard from a friend. She shared that she feels inadequate and unable to find a relationship. She meant a proper one. I asked how does she search for them and she told me different stories about different guys and they all ends in disaster and break up on an early stage, and her blaming herself that she “screwed it up again”. What was obvious to me in all these stories is that with every new guy she measured him up for a long term relationship on their first date! I mean, in her mind of course. She would look for what's wrong with them and imagine how that might affect their future serious relationships. I asked her why won’t she just go on a date for what it is – a date? With no serious intentions. And if she enjoys the time, she might go on a date again. And if she won’t enjoy it, she’d pick another date. We push ourselves in the corner by planning our life in advance too much. I did this mistake once. And 24 years later discovered that my plans didn’t aligned with theirs. So this is what I’ve learned. Make no plans, you won’t be disappointed…

...the fantasies are different matter. Have as many fantasies as you can manage and then want them all. Seek if you have overlooked some of them actually did materialised in your life already. And if they’re not yet, make sure you’ll get as closer to them as you possibly can. I mentioned my fantasy already once. I want a song to be sung just for me. I know no singers and if by the end of my life I still won’t have it, damn sure I will put it in my will and get someone to sing on my funeral…