The thoughts came were those of dreams. Dreams that come true, to be precise. I thought about how often we simply are not aware if they came true already or not. Because we do not know exactly what is that dream that we have. I know, it sounds absurd. But think of it – How You Know when your dreams come true or not? What “tangible checkpoints” do you have to define your dream?
You might have a dream to be happy. What is your definition of happiness? What conditions should occur for you to feel that feeling you defined as “happiness”? Each sees happiness differently. One can say I feel happy after a good meal, the other – after a good laugh, for someone it will be after a good sex. And for some – happiness is to have a roof above your head. All the definition for happiness can be traced down to the very few basic “tangible” needs, really. And it is only the priorities that make it different to each of us.
I want to be loved. How would one know when they are loved? To some that would be a size of a diamond on a ring in a gift box, to others – the warmth of a hug, a heat of desire in another’s eyes or, maybe – the power of a pinch when protected from attack. I found my own definition of being loved. I feel loved when someone enjoys being around me so that they seek every opportunity to be close and make me aware they keep me in their thoughts when they can’t. You might have different perception of what being loved might mean.
Interestingly enough, I didn’t feel loved in my marriage, at least the last years of it. I know few people who can attest to this, who tried to open my eyes to it sincerely wishing me well. The thing is…despite of unfulfilled sense of being loved, I still felt happy. Being loved wasn’t on the top of my list of “happiness checkpoints”. I just considered everything else that I did have in my marriage to balance the absence of what I didn’t have. It worked for me at that time. I think that it was a matter of asking yourself: what values you prepared to sacrifice for the sake of which other values? To me what I did have was worth to loose the “being loved” feeling.
He didn’t go and took away my dreams. My dreams got altered. The definitions changed, priorities shifted. But the dream is still the same – I wish to be happy. Only now to me it means different things. Ask yourself: what exactly do you think you should have so that you’ll consider yourself “officially happy”?
And then, once you know, think of different ways to obtain that what is required. It doesn’t mean that you should try them all. It just means that if there is a single way to achieve something, then there must be other, alternative ways as well and by opening your mind to the possibilities, you automatically increase your chances of getting what you desire.