MissTick
Thingish Things

From time to time we all have such moments when we have a very strong need for a presence. We might even don’t know what we need and whom we need, what we would say to them or what would expect from them. We just need a sense of human being by our side. An essence of a trust. Very often such moments come and go and do not bring much disturbance, apart from few unpleasant sensations of anxiety. And you know after a moment of despair there will be a moment of contentment and peace. So you learn to wait them through, like a wave washing over the shore only to draw off the next moment. The latest one was a long one. Just happened this way. No particular triggers. At least not that I’ve noticed. But I’ve noticed something else: the more alone you feel, the more you have this pressing need to get away from people. I wonder if it is a normal reaction instead of seeking for a shoulder to cry on or a hand to hold onto.

We fail. We all fail from time to time. We fail the others, fail ourselves. We fail to act and fail to act correctly and fail to act in time. We fail our own expectations or the hopes of the ones we love. They teach in NLP there is no failure, only “learning experience”. Sometimes it feels that the only thing you learn from your failure is how to accept that it was a failure, how to admit that there was nothing you could do and how to move on onto making the most of the other learning experiences left for you out there. Let go of your failures of the past.

After a hectic inbetweenthelodgerness all my lodgers have finally left for good and it is a second week now I am having my house to myself. Such a luxury. Pity not for long. At some point I will have to take a deep breath and start searching for a new stranger to bring their routine into my life. I wish I didn’t have to though. This time I don't feel scared of the echoes in the house. This time I am seeking to be alone. Not in depressive way, mind you. I feel tired, only not on a physical level. I’m glad I have no immediate emotions to deal with. No disturbances to react to. No pressing needs to attend to. The sensation of emptiness is welcomed this time. There was a need to share at first, but there were no one available, so I went to do some soul searching. Actually, this is not exactly true. My soul was never lost. Perhaps, the better way to say would be I went to look into my soul. Just took inventory of where am I at this particular moment of life. It’s like climbing the mountain and stopping on your way to catch a breath and look back and see how far you’ve managed to get up the slop. I’m not at the same place I was before.

Last weekend I went to Glastonbury with friends. No matter how many times I visited it, this place never disappoints me. It feels special. It is special. This time I left it with a gift. One of the shops was selling somewhat special rings. Simple silver bands with the wise words engraved on them. Among those ringed wisdoms I found The One. It just felt so right and so appropriate for this particular period of my life, as if it was designed just for me. I had to have it. Whatever life throws at us, to make it worth to live through we have to find things that make a day special, find amazing things among the ordinary. Be it something around us or within our self. I now have a silver reminder on my finger. It says: Amaze Yourself.