They say: we cannot forgive the others not that they betrayed us, but that we trusted them so much. I pondered for a while if it is indeed our own fault when we feel the ouch from the actions of another. Or their inactions equally. Expect nothing from no one and you won’t get disappointed. I thought I do not care if people engage with me or they don’t. I know and am still sure that I’m fine on my own, I would enjoy it more if I would have more of the real me- time and less time-of-responsibilities for the others. Yet there are times, like today, when I think of the life’s strange ways and I’m thinking about why things are happening the way they are. Sometimes inaction can cause a chain reaction in response and before you know it, the snowball of inevitable changes reaches the size that forces you to step out of its way. I don’t do things that make people run away. I do not lose my friends they are always here, here with me. I just let them lose me. Silently. I do not remind them I’m here for they already know it. And I do not reach out for a silly reason “just because”.
"Pooh," whispered the Piglet. "Yes, Piglet?" "Nothing," said Piglet, taking Pooh's paw, "I just wanted to be sure of you."
There are only so many times you can send Happy Birthdays and hear your own echo back. After a while you think what’s the point .There are only so many times you can feel it’s a privilege to know such a wonderful person and after a while the wonder of them fades away into less than ordinary reality. There are only so much of your thoughts you can dedicate to the others before you will be capable to live through the day and not notice they aren’t in it. And there are only so many steps you can make towards another before you’ll see the distance grows, not vanishes. This sounds bitter, but in truth, it is what it is and I’m just etching the words onto stone because I have a need to let them out today. I do not lose friends. They just tend to get lost in time for their own perfectly valid reasons. I accept that. I am not talking of the people I’m friendly with. But of those who have been in my life and changed it. The sentimental mood lingers over me like a fog and I feel a strong need to clear the air. Why it has become so hard to snap out of such wanderings. It is not the absence of somebody. It is the absence of harmony in my life. I am dissatisfied with self and cannot deal with it as efective as I used to. A lack of proportions between what I am and what I think I am. My perception of me is not the same as a reflection of me in the mirrors of them, others.