Is there any signs of when you have to stop happy clicking around and start some serious writing...any early warnings of getting lost back into the silence you've been whisked out from...weirdly enough, as soon as I'd say to myself "you ought to start writing..." the writer's block is on its way from the skyrise heading right down onto my head...so, ok, let ban the trigger words, invent other triggers, just come here, open blank canvass and see what appears...dig out what used to work for you, dust it off and apply generously...
I've been thinking...
about self re-evaluation many of us been through in covid-years...what does it mean for me personally and how it may affect those around me...it certainly changed my ways...being through what we've been through with my mother had freaked me out of my comfort zone...and I panic about the what if's...what if I'll become old and frail and things, stop being capable of taking care of myself...what if I won't be able to manage my accounts and sundries...what if I won't be able to fulfil my travel ambitions due to the everchanging geopolitical landscape of the world...what if...what if...what if...see? - panic unbridled...probably, understandable from some point...however, I am here, talking about it, because I need to make it real before I rid of it - it doesn't feel real until I announce it is...so, here we go - I've been panicking...and I had an urge to do something about it.
So here it is - Part One. Do easy things - things I can more or less take control of, things that won't happen until I make them happen...
in my case that mainly involved home...I needed, no - I wanted - a home that I can be comfortably safe in now and will still be comfortable and safe when I'm less young...I mean - very-very un-young...I do not want to be taken out of my home and into some stately establishment when I won't cope with housekeeping and self-keeping for that matter...I've now seen enough of it and I don't want it. Period. So, in the last few years I've made a lot of "improvements&refurbishments" to my house and by that I mean some serious changes. The ones you'd "always think you ought to do", but "never have enough time or money or inspiration...or all of the above"...Not that I had this kind of money anyway, mind you, but the fear led me to find other ways...and within the span of 3-ish years - new office, new bathroom, new bedroom new...roof(?!) and finally - a full scale garden makeover...now, that's a lot of invoicing to pay, believe me...it feels like I've literally rebuilt my house from scratch and got rid of my savings account the same time...but you know what...this feels good...feels - me...feels - home...and - no regrets. (ok, my other excuse - for quite a few years I couldn't go anywhere outside the little town I live in, so was heroically saving my ever deflating savings from further deflation by spending them away) yeah, I know that "makes sense". Also it helps to come up with a fitting title to this post - it is true and honest that the last few years have forced me to re-evaluate what is the most important to me right now...and right now, at this point of my timeline, the most important thing is - to be ready...ready for whatever twists of fate the future may bring...
more re-evaluations to come to light...to be continued...