Today T and J went to the second class to become my foster parents and first they dropped me off at drivers ed,... oh, I need to add some jokes,... The instructor told us these,.. it's better to hear and see someone say them though, but here you go:
First here's one a neighbor said when we were outside on dads balcony a few minutes ago, it started to rain and they went in saying you know what they say about rain, sugar melts and shit floats.
There was 3 boys left in a pelling bee, and the winner of the bee earned a bike, so with the instructions to repeat the word, spell it right, and then use the word correctly in a sentence, the teacher went to the first boy and gave him the word "before." Johnny said before. B-E-F-O-E. Before. I'm sorry, Johnny, but that is incorrect, the teacher replied. So she went to the next boy. Mike, before. Before, he said, and then he, too, spelled the word incorrectly, and so she told him that it was incorrect and went to the next boy, Adam. Adam, If you can spell this right then you can win the bike! she said. So she gave Adam the word and he said, before. B-E-F-O-R-E. before. Very good! The teacher said. Now all you have to do is use that word corectly in a sentence and you'll win the bike! So Adam thought about it, and then he said before, two and two be four. (I doubt the teacher even went another round with the spelling bee, I guess noone won that bike!)
There once was this girl, Samantha, who was mentally retarded. This year was a very exciting year for her, because she was finally allowed to go to a public school for the first time. So with her new school bag and her brown paper lunch bag in hand, her mother walked her up to the school bus stop for her first time. Grinning, Sam got very excited when she first noticed the bus coming towards her, and when it came to where it would start, Sam was so excited that she dropped her things from school, arms flailing around her, jumping around for joy, and instead of stopping, the bus went on without her. The second day the same thing happened, except this time the bus driver, Joan, drove the bus through the grass to avoid the excited little girl. Afetr the third day when it happened Sam's mother finally went to schjool and had a conference with Sam's principle and Joan. The principal talked to Joan, saying, you know that you are supposed to pick Samantha up at that5 stop at that time for school, and you have seen her. Why haven't you let her on the bus? Joan started crying, saying in a stuttering voice, I-i-i-i-i I thou-ought she-he was-s-s making-ing- fu-h fuh-fun of-f meeee!!!
(Get it? The bus driver was also retarded, I hope I'm not offending anyone who is or knows someone who is retarded, I didn't make this joke up!)
Ok, now back to my enrty. I had a nice long time at drivers ed, which I'm making up from days I missed before, or befoe, and then my real dad picked em up, because T and J were at that all day cpr/first aid class. On our way home he asked me if I was hungry, I wasn't but asked him to take me to Grandma's for a real special reason. He drove me to her complex, I ran upstairs, into her apartment,m which I knew would be unlocked, and she looked up from putting some onions on her chilli and then looked down again, I went over to her, wrapped my arms around her, kept telling her how sorry I was, she said it's ok, and then started shaking, crying. I let her go to look at her and she said Mary, noone loves me anymore! Oh, Memaw, that's so not true, I love you so much!!!!!!!!! You don't understand she said, noone does! Everyone tells me how much they love me, but I know better, noone shows me that they do! My heart was breaking standing their with Memaw, she's the one that taught me love and compassion. She's the one that taught me how special hugs and kisses are, to love everyone no matter if they seem to love you back or not, which is esp. hard for me to do with my mother, her daughter. She once told me after I told her about a deal that me and Teri, my twin made, I said that Teri told me I could have this one dress that we shared then, by myself if we switched rooms, and she told me to tell her that I'll do it anyway, out of love, and just wear the dress but let her still own it too. I did it, hating it but loving the hug I got from Memaw and her being proud of me. And here Grandma is, so lonely and hurt, and I was apologizing and feeling really bad because I had a big part in what made her cry and I knew it. And so during the visit, at the end, she's pretending that it's not me, trying to make me feel better when she's that hurt! I love that little lady, I miss her so much!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'll explain what happened on my friday entry, the next one I'll write. It hurt both of us, I know she could have understand a little more, but I also know that she was so hurt, I hurt her feelings bad. I hate hurting people.
So Dad and I leave, I spend time with him at his apartment, and then after T called me back after I paged her, my foster mom, I asked her if her and J, foster dad, would go out to dinner with me and my real dad when they got back, they got to the rest. like as soon as we did, we had a nice meal together, the T and J took me back home with them. When we got there, I was a little restless and anxious, waiting for them to both brush their teeth so I could take my shower, I finally got the bathroom, started the water, threw up, then showered, feeling good and reliebved, knowing that I had to throw up because of how upset I was feeling earlier with Grandma, starting Thursday, and then a girl at school Friday. I had to purge the depression away a little. I felt better, then went in the living room, J's son D was there, and his 2 yr. old girl and baby boy, so I played with the girl, hide and seek, then later while watching a bugs life, I started to rock the baby to sleep on me, and I ate again, because I was a little dizzy, which happens after you throw up, esp. when it took as long as it did for me, I think because of the electrolyte imbalance you cause when you throw up nutrients and the bad stuff, like the carbohydrates. I threw up some french fries, pop, water and a grilled chicken sandwich with only the chicken and lite mayo on it. So while watching the movie, I eat a pop tart, well, two of them, one package. I went in the bathroom again like I was brushing my teeth again, but first threw that up and then brushed my teeth, I drabnk a caffeine free diet coke and ate a piece of cake after that, being hungry again, before I could go to sleep, and by then my med to help me sleep, traxodone, was kicking in, I was too tired to throw up again, that's the only way I could binge, mom tried to tell the psch. that I am bulimic, see, she's my new one and decided after I explained to her how my cycles of the esating disorder work, that I'm considered a eating disorder not otherwise specified, Ed-NOS. That meanss that I hjave an eating disorder, but mine isn't bulimic, because to be bulimic I'd have to eat a whole lot of food in a short period of time, then purge, but I don't binge, I eat a normal amount, and if anything, will throw up, eat again, throw up, et cetera. Mom was pretending that I've previously eaten a bunch of things at a time and then threw up, she said like cereals and stuff, I rolled my eytes, and should have said, first of all, we litterally NEVER had enough food to even have a small binge on, second of all, you ewere NEVER home to see me if I could! She does not go grocery shopping, I swear. It would have been so convienet for me to starve and be known as just annoretic, but I go back and forth with annoretic and bullimic tendancies. That's why I don't have one or the other, but I do have an eating disorder. Mom just likes to pretend she knows what she's talking about, that lady watched a talk show that had to do with bipolar depressives, said I seemed like one of the guys on it, went into my last pychs. office claiming that I was bipolar. What happens then? She explains all these imaginatry symptoms to the pschy, says I have them at home, they write in my chart Bipolar?
So I finally went to sleep, I have to be more careful, can't let T or J notice it, I'm surprised that they haven't, because for the last 4 years that I've known T, she once cried when in the morning at school I think last year, I found her, told her I took those million laxatives, well, not that many, but she cried and said she doesn't want me to keep hurting myself, sahe knows about my home life and how much mom hurt me, she knows I do things like that for attention and because I get hurt I hurt myself. She was crying, saying she'd take me to treatment herself for the eating disorder if it'll help. It'd hurt her more if she found out while living with her now I am still up to it, because I am now much happier and away from the hurtful enviroment, but I still hurt over it, esp. yesterday, that's how I know how to feel relieved, better! But she also said that now whati do will reflect on her and the ability to parent me, the right away, so if the counselors or anyone finds out, they would think she's not doing a good job. That's why I won't let anyone else figure it out, I have to be more secretive and careful now.
So I went to sleep, feeling quilty but better.
First here's one a neighbor said when we were outside on dads balcony a few minutes ago, it started to rain and they went in saying you know what they say about rain, sugar melts and shit floats.
There was 3 boys left in a pelling bee, and the winner of the bee earned a bike, so with the instructions to repeat the word, spell it right, and then use the word correctly in a sentence, the teacher went to the first boy and gave him the word "before." Johnny said before. B-E-F-O-E. Before. I'm sorry, Johnny, but that is incorrect, the teacher replied. So she went to the next boy. Mike, before. Before, he said, and then he, too, spelled the word incorrectly, and so she told him that it was incorrect and went to the next boy, Adam. Adam, If you can spell this right then you can win the bike! she said. So she gave Adam the word and he said, before. B-E-F-O-R-E. before. Very good! The teacher said. Now all you have to do is use that word corectly in a sentence and you'll win the bike! So Adam thought about it, and then he said before, two and two be four. (I doubt the teacher even went another round with the spelling bee, I guess noone won that bike!)
There once was this girl, Samantha, who was mentally retarded. This year was a very exciting year for her, because she was finally allowed to go to a public school for the first time. So with her new school bag and her brown paper lunch bag in hand, her mother walked her up to the school bus stop for her first time. Grinning, Sam got very excited when she first noticed the bus coming towards her, and when it came to where it would start, Sam was so excited that she dropped her things from school, arms flailing around her, jumping around for joy, and instead of stopping, the bus went on without her. The second day the same thing happened, except this time the bus driver, Joan, drove the bus through the grass to avoid the excited little girl. Afetr the third day when it happened Sam's mother finally went to schjool and had a conference with Sam's principle and Joan. The principal talked to Joan, saying, you know that you are supposed to pick Samantha up at that5 stop at that time for school, and you have seen her. Why haven't you let her on the bus? Joan started crying, saying in a stuttering voice, I-i-i-i-i I thou-ought she-he was-s-s making-ing- fu-h fuh-fun of-f meeee!!!
(Get it? The bus driver was also retarded, I hope I'm not offending anyone who is or knows someone who is retarded, I didn't make this joke up!)
Ok, now back to my enrty. I had a nice long time at drivers ed, which I'm making up from days I missed before, or befoe, and then my real dad picked em up, because T and J were at that all day cpr/first aid class. On our way home he asked me if I was hungry, I wasn't but asked him to take me to Grandma's for a real special reason. He drove me to her complex, I ran upstairs, into her apartment,m which I knew would be unlocked, and she looked up from putting some onions on her chilli and then looked down again, I went over to her, wrapped my arms around her, kept telling her how sorry I was, she said it's ok, and then started shaking, crying. I let her go to look at her and she said Mary, noone loves me anymore! Oh, Memaw, that's so not true, I love you so much!!!!!!!!! You don't understand she said, noone does! Everyone tells me how much they love me, but I know better, noone shows me that they do! My heart was breaking standing their with Memaw, she's the one that taught me love and compassion. She's the one that taught me how special hugs and kisses are, to love everyone no matter if they seem to love you back or not, which is esp. hard for me to do with my mother, her daughter. She once told me after I told her about a deal that me and Teri, my twin made, I said that Teri told me I could have this one dress that we shared then, by myself if we switched rooms, and she told me to tell her that I'll do it anyway, out of love, and just wear the dress but let her still own it too. I did it, hating it but loving the hug I got from Memaw and her being proud of me. And here Grandma is, so lonely and hurt, and I was apologizing and feeling really bad because I had a big part in what made her cry and I knew it. And so during the visit, at the end, she's pretending that it's not me, trying to make me feel better when she's that hurt! I love that little lady, I miss her so much!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'll explain what happened on my friday entry, the next one I'll write. It hurt both of us, I know she could have understand a little more, but I also know that she was so hurt, I hurt her feelings bad. I hate hurting people.
So Dad and I leave, I spend time with him at his apartment, and then after T called me back after I paged her, my foster mom, I asked her if her and J, foster dad, would go out to dinner with me and my real dad when they got back, they got to the rest. like as soon as we did, we had a nice meal together, the T and J took me back home with them. When we got there, I was a little restless and anxious, waiting for them to both brush their teeth so I could take my shower, I finally got the bathroom, started the water, threw up, then showered, feeling good and reliebved, knowing that I had to throw up because of how upset I was feeling earlier with Grandma, starting Thursday, and then a girl at school Friday. I had to purge the depression away a little. I felt better, then went in the living room, J's son D was there, and his 2 yr. old girl and baby boy, so I played with the girl, hide and seek, then later while watching a bugs life, I started to rock the baby to sleep on me, and I ate again, because I was a little dizzy, which happens after you throw up, esp. when it took as long as it did for me, I think because of the electrolyte imbalance you cause when you throw up nutrients and the bad stuff, like the carbohydrates. I threw up some french fries, pop, water and a grilled chicken sandwich with only the chicken and lite mayo on it. So while watching the movie, I eat a pop tart, well, two of them, one package. I went in the bathroom again like I was brushing my teeth again, but first threw that up and then brushed my teeth, I drabnk a caffeine free diet coke and ate a piece of cake after that, being hungry again, before I could go to sleep, and by then my med to help me sleep, traxodone, was kicking in, I was too tired to throw up again, that's the only way I could binge, mom tried to tell the psch. that I am bulimic, see, she's my new one and decided after I explained to her how my cycles of the esating disorder work, that I'm considered a eating disorder not otherwise specified, Ed-NOS. That meanss that I hjave an eating disorder, but mine isn't bulimic, because to be bulimic I'd have to eat a whole lot of food in a short period of time, then purge, but I don't binge, I eat a normal amount, and if anything, will throw up, eat again, throw up, et cetera. Mom was pretending that I've previously eaten a bunch of things at a time and then threw up, she said like cereals and stuff, I rolled my eytes, and should have said, first of all, we litterally NEVER had enough food to even have a small binge on, second of all, you ewere NEVER home to see me if I could! She does not go grocery shopping, I swear. It would have been so convienet for me to starve and be known as just annoretic, but I go back and forth with annoretic and bullimic tendancies. That's why I don't have one or the other, but I do have an eating disorder. Mom just likes to pretend she knows what she's talking about, that lady watched a talk show that had to do with bipolar depressives, said I seemed like one of the guys on it, went into my last pychs. office claiming that I was bipolar. What happens then? She explains all these imaginatry symptoms to the pschy, says I have them at home, they write in my chart Bipolar?
So I finally went to sleep, I have to be more careful, can't let T or J notice it, I'm surprised that they haven't, because for the last 4 years that I've known T, she once cried when in the morning at school I think last year, I found her, told her I took those million laxatives, well, not that many, but she cried and said she doesn't want me to keep hurting myself, sahe knows about my home life and how much mom hurt me, she knows I do things like that for attention and because I get hurt I hurt myself. She was crying, saying she'd take me to treatment herself for the eating disorder if it'll help. It'd hurt her more if she found out while living with her now I am still up to it, because I am now much happier and away from the hurtful enviroment, but I still hurt over it, esp. yesterday, that's how I know how to feel relieved, better! But she also said that now whati do will reflect on her and the ability to parent me, the right away, so if the counselors or anyone finds out, they would think she's not doing a good job. That's why I won't let anyone else figure it out, I have to be more secretive and careful now.
So I went to sleep, feeling quilty but better.