People often ask me if therapy helps. Yes, it really does. I think that everyone should have a therapist, and I secretly love the fact that I have a whole hour to talk over things with someone who knows and cares and also can't tell about things with a few obvious exceptions. My therapist in particular helps me by having experience in some of the same areas, but also she's around my age, and she is so forgiving to me. She lets things go sometimes, at least for the time being. She is helping me to even want to recover from my eating disorder that I have had for most of my life now. She knows when I am getting overwhelmed and slipping, and sometimes I feel like she knows just the right things to say at the right times, like when she immediately reminded me that I wasn't happier when I was sicker (thinner). She knew me then, and she said it right away. I trusted her. Whenever I shut up she talks before the silence gets to be too awkward for me. She used to weigh me and she told me ahead of time I couldn't wear coats, or shoes I can put things in to boost my weight,.. she wasn't going to let me try to mess it up. I feel safe with recovering now while I still have her as my therapist.
She was talking about my set weight. She said we wouldn't know what it was until I have been eating regular meals without bingeing and purging and any other eating disorder behaviors. I realized this was it. I am about to be doing it more all the way. I am on the right track right now, and she gave me a few more suggestions, I am doing it. At least for a certain time period, I can't lie and say it'll be forever. I asked her how long would it take to do that and know my set weight. She said 4-6 months. That sounded pretty bad to me, and now that I think about it, I am going to have trouble with doing this during Summertime,.. but I have to try now, anyways. It's not easy, or comfortable, or anything. It's going to be huge. Today so far I have eaten 3 meals, held it down, didn't binge, and I am thinking this one day is such a big deal. 4-6 months would be VERY NICE. I hate to say this, but I could always go back, so why not take a nice long break from hell? I have incentive, motivation, drive, I'm going to try this.