I have not written a journal or diary entry for a while now. My life has been different. Some good, and some bad.
I used to restrict, then binge, then purge, start over. I have not been purging (by vomiting) at all for the last couple of weeks, and I have noticed something with the restricting-then-bingeing crap, too. When I was trying more to eat real meals during the day, I binged. When I kept slipping and not being able to eat and restricting again, I stopped bingeing. It's not the lack of sweet stuff around the house, or having houseguests. the pressure is off. I can breathe! I am not starving, but I am eating less meals and portions. I am trying to eat when hungry, and eat right. Yesterday I didn't eat at all during the day then had an oatmeal and a fruit and yogurt parfeit from mcdonalds for dinner and crap, I did end up bingeing but forgot. I got shown once more why restricting isn't working, how I'll eventually binge anyway. Why can't I tell myself that and that be enough to prevent me from restricting, though?
I hope I can go to church and get there on time in the morning. I miss my church family. We have just had an addition to it, and are getting ready to see a great couple get married. Life goes on. I want my kids to go to this school where people who go to our church teach at. I love them, and want to be connected with them again, and keep learning more about God and the bible, as well. I need church, and my church. I need to be a better mom, person and christian. I need to get something going right, and stick with it! I am feeling so frustrated with myself. I won't give up! It's not too late!