Today I woke up, as usual with a headache, and later found that I had some really bad stomach problems, and this week T,J and I haven't really been talking, so I didn't bother mentioning it, J tried to hug me goodbye, I let him hug me but didn't show him the same affection. I can't even began to explain how we have all been acting toward each other this week, esp. when you don't know how we normally are, but I can explain how awful it has been, and 99% of it has been my fault.
So J left for work, my foster dad, and then mom and I evntually got in the car and left, for her to drop me off at school then go to work, and I had a bad ride, because my stomach, I don't think this is the word, but, I was having some terrible pains, not cramps, not mensrual anything, but like stomach convulsions, and I was also an emotional wreck because we were so silent and hurtful to each other, and so she dropped me off, I got out as fast as possible, gave her a lite hug to equal her with J, she sped off and I got inside, walked to my locker, sat down to start getting stuff out of my school bag that I needed, and dropped everything and just started crying. I didn't care, couldbn't control it anyway, I was having physical and emotional pains, and noone was aroud, I get to school 50 minutes early each day, just some teachers in their classrooms.
So I got my stuff together, dropped it off in the office since my first bell teacher wasn't there yet, and then started walking around, because I was hurting really bad, and ended up checking to see if my last year english teacher was in her room, she was, I said hi and gave her a hug, she asked how I was, and I said fine, then I started crying again, she gave me another hug, asked me what was the matter, My stomach,.. I told her about it, and how there was no way to mention it anyway earlier to mom, I'm not allowed to stay away from school anyway, and I had another really bad pain, I guess how to describe it is frojm movies when women are giving birth, like they're contractions, it doesn't continully hurt, just every few minutes the pains come, and no, I'm not pregnant.
Appearantly I turned a really ugly pale shade though, because her eyes widened and she was like you look terrible, I just cried more, managed to tell her I needed to walk some more, she gave me another hug, told me to come back, I still had a lot of time till school started, so I walked outside, openly blubbering.
I walked up the street a little, came back down, saw her, had stopped crying, she said I looked a little better, had more color, and I was feeling a little better, till my first bell class, taking a test. I passed it easily, US history, easy, interesting subject, but the pains taking it, I felt like I was dying!
I managed to get to second bell, took my vocab test there, finished a packet, started and finished a worksheet, handed them in, went to the nurses, slept through gym and part of my math class, and when we were supposed to get our school pics back, which I got later. And they look great! :)
I took the bus to Grandmas where Teri, (twin sis) and mom, Grandma and Uncle lives. I have to start visiting my real mother now. Another thing I dreaded about the day. T told her something and she sat me down, A, real mom, and demanded for me to tell her when I was going off to hotels to have sex with my boyfriend, who I'm not allowed to go out with anymore. She said it in an inappropitae time and place, and because I have a little dignity I told her that I was not going to answer it, and then left real quick to cool off. I'm not just a sullen teenager, who wants to blame the parents for everything, but my mother, I can only think of her a a few things, a bitch, a monster, selfish laxy person,.. and it's not even only because of the lack of relationship, you have to see her when she's around, she's evil. Most teens think of parents like that I guess, it may sound normal to someone reading this, but usually they do for stupid reasons, they have curfews, they get grounded, their parents are nosy, my mom is just into one person, herself. Ask anybody, She gambles all of our support away, litterally never bought anything for us, like food, I swear on anything, we had old milk, ketchup, mustard, stuff like that only in our house except maybe three times a year. And She did work when she felt like it, and she got $300 a week from child support. SAhe also goes out every night at least once, to boats, bingos, anything to waste our money on. Sometimes she goes to both. And she asks when I went out had sex without her knowing it? Like a concerned parents she was, I should have answered her. Everynight you were out till 3 or so in the mroning. I was there by myself anddidwhat I wanted, honestly!
So J left for work, my foster dad, and then mom and I evntually got in the car and left, for her to drop me off at school then go to work, and I had a bad ride, because my stomach, I don't think this is the word, but, I was having some terrible pains, not cramps, not mensrual anything, but like stomach convulsions, and I was also an emotional wreck because we were so silent and hurtful to each other, and so she dropped me off, I got out as fast as possible, gave her a lite hug to equal her with J, she sped off and I got inside, walked to my locker, sat down to start getting stuff out of my school bag that I needed, and dropped everything and just started crying. I didn't care, couldbn't control it anyway, I was having physical and emotional pains, and noone was aroud, I get to school 50 minutes early each day, just some teachers in their classrooms.
So I got my stuff together, dropped it off in the office since my first bell teacher wasn't there yet, and then started walking around, because I was hurting really bad, and ended up checking to see if my last year english teacher was in her room, she was, I said hi and gave her a hug, she asked how I was, and I said fine, then I started crying again, she gave me another hug, asked me what was the matter, My stomach,.. I told her about it, and how there was no way to mention it anyway earlier to mom, I'm not allowed to stay away from school anyway, and I had another really bad pain, I guess how to describe it is frojm movies when women are giving birth, like they're contractions, it doesn't continully hurt, just every few minutes the pains come, and no, I'm not pregnant.
Appearantly I turned a really ugly pale shade though, because her eyes widened and she was like you look terrible, I just cried more, managed to tell her I needed to walk some more, she gave me another hug, told me to come back, I still had a lot of time till school started, so I walked outside, openly blubbering.
I walked up the street a little, came back down, saw her, had stopped crying, she said I looked a little better, had more color, and I was feeling a little better, till my first bell class, taking a test. I passed it easily, US history, easy, interesting subject, but the pains taking it, I felt like I was dying!
I managed to get to second bell, took my vocab test there, finished a packet, started and finished a worksheet, handed them in, went to the nurses, slept through gym and part of my math class, and when we were supposed to get our school pics back, which I got later. And they look great! :)
I took the bus to Grandmas where Teri, (twin sis) and mom, Grandma and Uncle lives. I have to start visiting my real mother now. Another thing I dreaded about the day. T told her something and she sat me down, A, real mom, and demanded for me to tell her when I was going off to hotels to have sex with my boyfriend, who I'm not allowed to go out with anymore. She said it in an inappropitae time and place, and because I have a little dignity I told her that I was not going to answer it, and then left real quick to cool off. I'm not just a sullen teenager, who wants to blame the parents for everything, but my mother, I can only think of her a a few things, a bitch, a monster, selfish laxy person,.. and it's not even only because of the lack of relationship, you have to see her when she's around, she's evil. Most teens think of parents like that I guess, it may sound normal to someone reading this, but usually they do for stupid reasons, they have curfews, they get grounded, their parents are nosy, my mom is just into one person, herself. Ask anybody, She gambles all of our support away, litterally never bought anything for us, like food, I swear on anything, we had old milk, ketchup, mustard, stuff like that only in our house except maybe three times a year. And She did work when she felt like it, and she got $300 a week from child support. SAhe also goes out every night at least once, to boats, bingos, anything to waste our money on. Sometimes she goes to both. And she asks when I went out had sex without her knowing it? Like a concerned parents she was, I should have answered her. Everynight you were out till 3 or so in the mroning. I was there by myself anddidwhat I wanted, honestly!