Wow. I couldn't sleep and it seems like a lot has been happening just in the last few hours. I was looking up an old teacher on facebook and somehow ran across a name of someone who leads one of the groups I am in. The weird funny thing is that I have been pondering about emailing the counselor with a question I wasn't able to bring up in our last group session, due to being fearful of it being triggering to the other members. The problem is I need to ask someone who can relate to it, and it also has to be someone who could possibly help me, at least by giving me advice or information. I haven't emailed her yet, but when I was searching for someone else, I just kind of stumbled on her name, and not because I put in specific info that relates to her, like work info, or hometown, or anything. Maybe God arranged it so I would have a reminder at least to try and talk to her, maybe it was just who knows!!! I like the idea of it being a God thing, though, and now will at least email her soon if she doesn't add me for any reason.
I also went ahead and looked up an old therapist, and while I didn't see a profile for her, I found out other info that may help me be able to write her a (thank you for everything, I still haven't forgotten how helpful you were) letter. I wrote it, but am not sure if I'll send it but it is so nice to have been able to figure out anything, and to sit back and reflect about how much she did for me. I was in a bad place then. It was sometime after I started foster care and ended around my 18th b day for anyone who's kept up on my entries on here (Paul).
I saw another former teacher's name and she has added me, and that means so much because I have had this guilt build up from something that I once said to her and thought it might have really hurt her, and it has been awkward running into her at times since then. When I saw that she added me, it took a way some of the feeling that she hated me because she remembered what I had said. See, she used to have ED symptoms, too, and I knew that from personal journals we wrote back and forth in a class I had with her, and I saw her once, didn't know she already had had a baby, and I think I was even high or tired or something, and I said oh, wow, you were able to get pregnant! or something like that. I sure hope she forgave me and forgot about that, because I sure haven't! She was even the teacher that ran after me after I left her class and got suspended for something bad one day. She is someone who should never have bothered even talking to me, but she bothered, and thank God for her.
Well, I couldn't sleep, and have decided just to stay awake but I am just starting to get tired now, too. I HATE this at night! I want to get back on track and right away! I am going to go ahead and email the counselor, now, and I think I will try and call that business and leave a message for the old therapist today, and we will see what ahppens from there! Have a great day today!