Hi
Right now I am still awake around 3:30 a.m. at my dads on Sunday morning. I am staying the night here.
I have had a busy busy week and yet I feel a LOT better then I did when I wrote my last entry.
The good and bad highlights of my week have been:
BAD
Monday when Sue went to work with me and then left when I clocked in and ran into the guy who raped me who wanted to come and see me,...
The whole week when I have had some chest pains which the nurse at school, she showed me on a chart that where I was having them was on the tip of my liver, and could have been from my purging which I have done three or four times a day, I guess because I was starving myself at first for a while, see, I was only drinking these certain drinks, one a day, and then I threw the last two out and didn't eat or drink and then started eating and drinking and purging constantly. Not once for that while did I eat or drink and not throw up, at home, work, school, rest.
Thursday I left school early and stood before a jury and testified against the grand jury about my former friend who raped me, and,
Friday I found out that the jury endited him, on one charge of corruption of a minor, so I have to face the music still, when they let us know.
Oh, Wednesday I talked to a counselor of mine and I told her that I'm still doing it, and it's getting bad, and before that so they'd leave me alone I said fine when they asked how my eating has been. Yeah. Fine. HA! She wants me to get assesed and maybe get treatment for my eating disorder. I also had to talk to my mom, which was very easy. She knew I still did it, and do it, but she really doesn't care. I told her over dinner then happily threw it up at home, I can't even bother to hide it anymore.
Good
Sue has been over a lot, she even trimmed my hair and it looks ok, just too short for my taste, and we've had fun, which is great since that's one of the only people I ever have any fun with. Like the other night, me at 15 and her at 14, hardly ever been in the drivers seat of a car, well, we got in my cousinds after I took his keys out of his pocket and she drove, I instructed her on how to. We parked his car on the curb of our house and was going to wait to tell him when he came looking for it in the drive way and realized it was parked on the street instead. We did good, too, except when Sue kept driving before I could change the exillerator to drive instead of reverse!!! It was the most fun I have had in a while. And we got some more alcohol and it was a melon slushie, but we couldn't stand the smell or taste of it so I still have it hidden, I'll probably throw it out, I don't want to get used to drinking, it's nasty anyway and I could get in trouble. I'll decide that when I get home and am not busy.
I had some other good times, too, but I'm pretty tired and need to go to bed, so I'll get off for now Take Care!
Wait, I was thinking about something on my way to work one day, When I pass this nursing home, some older people, they see me and when I wave, they don't say anything, and that day I thought, what, do they think because I'm young and walking by there that I have no reason to wave? Like I'm better or anything??? If that's the case, or something like it, I was thinking, hey! I'm 15 years old. You could be around 70, but guess what? You['re not the only lonely ones here!!! When I was younger I went in there so much and the staff often mentioned how they liked kids to visit because most of them didn't have friends or family that came over that much, and plus while watching the price is right and drinking water and talking to them, well, I've gotten the impression that a lot of them were lonely. I'm not generalizing though, because I know the feeling and I'm not older and in need to be taken care of in the way they are.
Well, gotta go, take care Mary
Right now I am still awake around 3:30 a.m. at my dads on Sunday morning. I am staying the night here.
I have had a busy busy week and yet I feel a LOT better then I did when I wrote my last entry.
The good and bad highlights of my week have been:
BAD
Monday when Sue went to work with me and then left when I clocked in and ran into the guy who raped me who wanted to come and see me,...
The whole week when I have had some chest pains which the nurse at school, she showed me on a chart that where I was having them was on the tip of my liver, and could have been from my purging which I have done three or four times a day, I guess because I was starving myself at first for a while, see, I was only drinking these certain drinks, one a day, and then I threw the last two out and didn't eat or drink and then started eating and drinking and purging constantly. Not once for that while did I eat or drink and not throw up, at home, work, school, rest.
Thursday I left school early and stood before a jury and testified against the grand jury about my former friend who raped me, and,
Friday I found out that the jury endited him, on one charge of corruption of a minor, so I have to face the music still, when they let us know.
Oh, Wednesday I talked to a counselor of mine and I told her that I'm still doing it, and it's getting bad, and before that so they'd leave me alone I said fine when they asked how my eating has been. Yeah. Fine. HA! She wants me to get assesed and maybe get treatment for my eating disorder. I also had to talk to my mom, which was very easy. She knew I still did it, and do it, but she really doesn't care. I told her over dinner then happily threw it up at home, I can't even bother to hide it anymore.
Good
Sue has been over a lot, she even trimmed my hair and it looks ok, just too short for my taste, and we've had fun, which is great since that's one of the only people I ever have any fun with. Like the other night, me at 15 and her at 14, hardly ever been in the drivers seat of a car, well, we got in my cousinds after I took his keys out of his pocket and she drove, I instructed her on how to. We parked his car on the curb of our house and was going to wait to tell him when he came looking for it in the drive way and realized it was parked on the street instead. We did good, too, except when Sue kept driving before I could change the exillerator to drive instead of reverse!!! It was the most fun I have had in a while. And we got some more alcohol and it was a melon slushie, but we couldn't stand the smell or taste of it so I still have it hidden, I'll probably throw it out, I don't want to get used to drinking, it's nasty anyway and I could get in trouble. I'll decide that when I get home and am not busy.
I had some other good times, too, but I'm pretty tired and need to go to bed, so I'll get off for now Take Care!
Wait, I was thinking about something on my way to work one day, When I pass this nursing home, some older people, they see me and when I wave, they don't say anything, and that day I thought, what, do they think because I'm young and walking by there that I have no reason to wave? Like I'm better or anything??? If that's the case, or something like it, I was thinking, hey! I'm 15 years old. You could be around 70, but guess what? You['re not the only lonely ones here!!! When I was younger I went in there so much and the staff often mentioned how they liked kids to visit because most of them didn't have friends or family that came over that much, and plus while watching the price is right and drinking water and talking to them, well, I've gotten the impression that a lot of them were lonely. I'm not generalizing though, because I know the feeling and I'm not older and in need to be taken care of in the way they are.
Well, gotta go, take care Mary