Anyhoo, I am moving! Away from that evil person. For good. After sometime tomorrow, Sunday, I will never have to ever listen to her, or see her or anything!!! As soon as I heard her say that I could live with dad, I said about time. Of course she would wait till I have about 67 days left till I turn 18 and coukd leave anyway. She had to cover her ass and make sure she could squeeze some more money out of my dad first.
So, here I am onto a life of more peacfulness and contentment. I don't know how much longer I would have been able to stand this fucking dysfunctional crazy lifestyle. No more police, or child services or hospitals or suicide attempts. Maybe soon, no more cutting my precious skin, or absolutely depising everything about me. Then again, even while in foster care I hurt myself as much as I could. And I was happy. But things do take time, and living with my mother is what causes a lot of bad things, like my trying to kill myself. Not too long ago I considered telling the counselors if they didn't let me go, I would at least attempt to kill myself so that I could get away from the bitch. This bitterness will leave, I'm hoping soon enough, but it's taken years of building up and will take years of getting rid of it. I may have to depend on venting in here a lot, because how else will I start recovering if I don't get it out somehow?
I'm having a personality change. Sometime in this last year I've decided to really work on me. I've done that a lo of different ways. One is, I've kind of quit seeing my therapist, another is my style in clothes, which just happened naturally. I used to always wear jeans and shirts. Now, I wear pants, that are like jeans but aren't, and the cutest shirts. I wear lingerie for fun, instead of to turn a guy on faster. My hair has faded a little since the last time I dyed it and is now closer to it's natural brown, but I have cool, yet too expensive red streaks in it. Even these cute yet kind of childish (except for some of the sayings on them) keychains I found are part of the different me. One says U turn me on, with beads and a heart and stuff, another just says sexxy, and the other, well, it just says class of 2003. Let's just say I'm not so mousy and conservative anymore. Now, if I could only lose a lot of weight, I'll be all set. Then maybe I'll stop smoking. Or not.
I've been acting different too. One night at work I drank. It was fun, and something I never would have done before. I mean, I just didn't give a shit, and I used to be real worried about getting caught with stuff. I used to do anything I cpould to hold on to my friends, but now, I don't trust people too much, and so it takes more to talk to me and stuff. I had two real good friends here, and one needs me moe ten anything, mostly to tell her things she doesn't want to hear, and the other one had moved pretty far away, and I was showing her something once, and she somehow managed to never get it back to me.
Well, I better get to sleep soon, or get tired soon, I guess. I'm so wound up! I'm so excited and I can't wait to get settled in at my dads. I just wish I could somehow skip the movinga nd unpacking alltogether. Wish me luck!