Yesterday we had a meeting and tha was with Angie, Dr. W, and my math, piano, science and english teacher, mom, me, and a guy who is really just supposed to be there to organize the meetings and stuff.
I'm so confused now, I like this way that I'm confused a litt,e but well, it's hard to describe things, like I am starting to fel happy with ed things, like when lately people have been saying I don't look too good, or I look sick, stupid thinhs like that maker me feel good, it's like, I'm winning this ed thing,.. I ate 6 meals i four days, Steve told me looking at our chart and yet I was happy to hear that, but thinking I could do better, I could do to or none in 6 days or something, I haven' been bothering to throw up too much lately, or purge ina ny way because I don't even feel like eating most of the time.
Mom had us in a krogers parking lot waiting for hr yesterdaty, I had music on and teeri decided that she didn't want to liste to it, so there she went, took the keys out of the ignition,.. I wrestled er and somehow got them from her, wehn mom came back. MARY!!!!!n she yelled at me an told me to shut up and told m that I couldn't put the music back on and that we were going home and that's IT and I said, no, that's not f'ing it!!!!! slammed the door, ran. I had to cool off, I didn't even bother tgoing home right away, and I thought wouldn't it be great if I could jus leave?
Tomorrow I wok, then Stephanie is coming over and then David is coming for a late Valentines day thing and I don't know, I'm going to go till March at least now, unless I get so anything, I mean, if anything painful happens to me, or anything like that, I've already decided I'll start seriously thinking about things like oing o a runaway shelter and then either leaving it and hanging out on the streets till I either get put in juvenle detention or something, I don't know. Right now I can't handle myself, with anything, sleeping, eating, and every person, four of them, well, every on eof the them are starting to bugg me, notlike that, but every one I live with are just really not helping me, they are making things worse in litlle ways.
Cilla is an example, she's only 10 years old, but earlier oniht I had gotten off the phone with someone and I was going to call them in ten minutes, I had the phone with m, Cilla picked it up and was going to use it and I told her, you have twn minutes, or you can use our other line (we have two phone lines, this shoulsdn't hve even been an issue!) so she says NHO! I'm gong to be on longer then that if I want to, I said then givd me that phone, and use the other one. She screams deadly and she runs into theb basement, slamming the door in my face almost, and she runs, I finally after all of these "I hate yous! and I'm going to KILL yous! after all of these threats and hurtful thibgs, I got the phone when she threw it. Not too much longer while the phone os here in front of me, she has the nerve to reach over and grab it, a secnd fter her dad leaves, I said, give me the phone,.. more crap heard frm this ten year old. I don' know, I didn't talk like that when I was her age, I barel talk like that now,... only when I'm really upset. I should be acting responsible though,.., not letting a ten year old get to me, but I gnored her remarks, it's just that she needs help, I mean, I don't know. I have to do somehing now, I'm thinking of going over to krogers and buying some laxatives and maybe food, I'm really hungry to tell you the truth but I can't handle it yet I'll ty and update later.
I'm so confused now, I like this way that I'm confused a litt,e but well, it's hard to describe things, like I am starting to fel happy with ed things, like when lately people have been saying I don't look too good, or I look sick, stupid thinhs like that maker me feel good, it's like, I'm winning this ed thing,.. I ate 6 meals i four days, Steve told me looking at our chart and yet I was happy to hear that, but thinking I could do better, I could do to or none in 6 days or something, I haven' been bothering to throw up too much lately, or purge ina ny way because I don't even feel like eating most of the time.
Mom had us in a krogers parking lot waiting for hr yesterdaty, I had music on and teeri decided that she didn't want to liste to it, so there she went, took the keys out of the ignition,.. I wrestled er and somehow got them from her, wehn mom came back. MARY!!!!!n she yelled at me an told me to shut up and told m that I couldn't put the music back on and that we were going home and that's IT and I said, no, that's not f'ing it!!!!! slammed the door, ran. I had to cool off, I didn't even bother tgoing home right away, and I thought wouldn't it be great if I could jus leave?
Tomorrow I wok, then Stephanie is coming over and then David is coming for a late Valentines day thing and I don't know, I'm going to go till March at least now, unless I get so anything, I mean, if anything painful happens to me, or anything like that, I've already decided I'll start seriously thinking about things like oing o a runaway shelter and then either leaving it and hanging out on the streets till I either get put in juvenle detention or something, I don't know. Right now I can't handle myself, with anything, sleeping, eating, and every person, four of them, well, every on eof the them are starting to bugg me, notlike that, but every one I live with are just really not helping me, they are making things worse in litlle ways.
Cilla is an example, she's only 10 years old, but earlier oniht I had gotten off the phone with someone and I was going to call them in ten minutes, I had the phone with m, Cilla picked it up and was going to use it and I told her, you have twn minutes, or you can use our other line (we have two phone lines, this shoulsdn't hve even been an issue!) so she says NHO! I'm gong to be on longer then that if I want to, I said then givd me that phone, and use the other one. She screams deadly and she runs into theb basement, slamming the door in my face almost, and she runs, I finally after all of these "I hate yous! and I'm going to KILL yous! after all of these threats and hurtful thibgs, I got the phone when she threw it. Not too much longer while the phone os here in front of me, she has the nerve to reach over and grab it, a secnd fter her dad leaves, I said, give me the phone,.. more crap heard frm this ten year old. I don' know, I didn't talk like that when I was her age, I barel talk like that now,... only when I'm really upset. I should be acting responsible though,.., not letting a ten year old get to me, but I gnored her remarks, it's just that she needs help, I mean, I don't know. I have to do somehing now, I'm thinking of going over to krogers and buying some laxatives and maybe food, I'm really hungry to tell you the truth but I can't handle it yet I'll ty and update later.