You know I am just swamped over here today. I don’t really have a minute to spare. I think I have discovered a secret plot. THEY are amassing their forces right under our noses and we need to pay attention. I decided to stop my work for a few minutes and send off this report. In case something happens, there will be evidence that I was onto THEM.
Every day I get spam emails. I delete them like one swats flies at a 4th of July picnic. But they just keep on coming. They have randomly generated subject lines. I have made fun of them before, but it suddenly dawned on me that these might be coded messages.
Not being a trained cryptologist, I have been struggling to make heads or tails of this stuff. I just KNOW there is something to it. Here is a sample of what I have been working on today, remember now, this is the raw data, just as it came into my mailbox….
Carrageen leaden dirunal
Cross tennessee drought
Stun cadillac atrophy
Truth is comptroller phenyl supreme
Direct yellowknife jocular
Dodge regimen stowage
Orders universal whittier cohort
Cheesecloth dioxide marque
Cross timon literal newsboy
Kodiak above flynn
You see my problem? This is tough. But I have a theory. I think it is saying this:
“A cross Cadillac jackknifed into a Dodge and the cohort, Timon the newsboy, got a Kodak of our man Flynn.”
So if I were you, I would be on the lookout for any cranky Cadillacs in your area. Just to be on the safe side.
Of course I am going to have to put aside my crypto work for a while tomorrow, as I have a job interview. Do you think it would be a good thing to put this on my resume’? I mean “secret cryptologist” sounds pretty impressive. You think they might need someone with those qualifications at a Heating and Air Conditioning company?
They might.
(I’m tellin’ you people, somebody better get over here and keep an eye on her. I’m alone with this woman all day. You don’t know what it’s like. Bring medication. Or tea. Perhaps chocolate…. Yes, bring chocolate. I’ll set up the I.V. )