From SummerPlace:
Should I go ahead and plant the hollyhock bulbs in the ground now or is it too far into summer for that?
And... do these jeans make me look fat?
The Oracle Speaks:
The Hollyhock bulbs will thank you for planting them now. They would most likely dry out and die if you don't get them in the ground. You may not see any blooms this year, but you will most likely see nice growth. A very large part of being a good gardener is cultivating a healthy crop of patience.
And about your other concern, usually when we ask that question we already suspect that the garment in question is less than flattering. Listen to your inner voice in these matters. And sometimes it may be that your inner voice says, 'I don't CARE if I look perfect, I LIKE these jeans, they are comfortable, or of a color that pleases me. So I basically don't give a rat's patoot about the other issues.'
Dazzel them with your sterling character and warmth of heart. They will never notice what you are wearing!
From I'mNotLisa:
What is my problem about writing in my diary? Is it that it's been so long? Maybe I just need a good opening line. Any suggestions?
The Oracle Speaks:
Not writing for quite some time is very much like not seeking out and speaking to a good friend for too long a period. Things get awkward. Questions about your absence hang in the air between you. If you value the friendship(s), then a short apology for your absence is probably all that is needed. You do not need to go into all the details of what has caused your writing slump, just jump back on the merry-go-round. Sometimes we just need some space to think our own thoughts without explaining them to others. Actually there are times when it is even beneficial to do so. And remember, you didn't let anyone down, or renege on any promises. You don't owe anyone any convoluted explanations. It's just one of those things that happens to bloggers from time to time. We have all been there.
Your opening line could be: Wow, where has the time gone?
Our response could be: Woo Hoo! I'mNotLisa is here! Show us the socks!
From Welshamethyst:
Oh Great Oracle Person,
Why don't fish have eyelids?
Ah, an interesting question. And one with a fascinating story behind it.
Long, long, LONG, ago when fish were really big and had a lot more bones and spines and whatnot... (you probably have seen pictures of them in museums). Anyway that long ago, there was an oceanwide philosophical movement that was led by one very erudite teacher, name of Lubblublato ( a very large sea bass). His philosophy was an absolute labyrinth of convoluted reasoning that would make your head hurt to try to follow it. However, one of the simplest, but as it turns out longest lasting of his teachings was the concept of not 'burying your head in the coral' trying to hide from the realities of ocean life. The highest state of being was to be one who 'kept their eyes open' to what was going on around them at all times. His followers took this premise so to heart, that they stopped blinking altogether ( they could get away with this because they were underwater and all). And of course over time, their eyelids atrophied. Thus today all fish are swimming about with their eyes open.
Sadly, the origins of this philosophy have been lost in the mists of time for the fish, now they just think it looks cool to stare each other down. But the Oracle knows all, and thus can clear things up for you on this matter.
From Allimom:
Oh Great Oracle,
Where can we find Osama Bin Laden?
And what is the best method for someone without will power to lose weight (without going onto Survivor or other "Reality" Shows)?
The Oracle Speaks:
It is the opinion of the Oracle that Bin Laden's body lies a mouldrin' in the grave.
And as evidence of this opinion, all those so called 'communications' that his friends trot out every now and then, seem to be curiously.... pasted together don't they? Still pictures, voice recordings with generic statements, etc.
There used to be an old saying, "Seeing is believing". But now-a-days there are many ways to make things look real that are complete fantasy.
So the Oracle believes that Osama Bin Laden is at this very moment, regretting a host of things, not the least of which is the absence of his 72 virgins.
Reality is a bitch.
As to your second question....
The Oracle has heard a lot of things on the subject over the eons, but will now quote some things recently learned from someone named Paul McKenna.
When you are hungry, eat.
Eat what you want, not what you think you should.
Eat consciously. (Slowly, chewing each mouthful 20 times or so. Put your fork down in between bites. Learn to be relaxed around food.)
When you are full, stop.
Sounds too simple right? That's what we thought. Until we tried it.
From Dustbunny3:
Please help me understand why they placed FEMA that was a great agency and under its leadership answered our country's natural distress so effectively and placed it into Homeland Security mess?
The Oracle Speaks:
Bureaucratic agencies that reach more than about a dozen people become somewhat like warehouses full of monkeys with typewriters. And trust me, no matter how long they type, they will not come up with Shakespeare. Logic goes out the window. Dinna fash yersel' on it. It'll do no good.
Find yourself a nice hobby and create something of beauty. It makes up for some of the insanity in the world.
From Mamallama:
Is my cat Lili heavier than a gallon of milk?
It's the eye thing, ha know.
It is also really hard to type when your arm and hand are asleep.
But I bet you already knew that.
The Oracle Speaks:
We have heard of your recent eye surgery, (may you have a complete and speedy recovery). If you can get the cat on the scale, (good luck with that) and she weighs more than about 9 pounds, pick her up if you want. (I have met said cat. I wouldn't pick her up on a bet.)
And yes, I know just about all. It's common knowledge. Don't try to butter me up.
From InStitches:
*whispers*
Why are hens such slave drivers and so utterly cranky about it?
The Oracle Speaks:
In this world there are longsuffering souls who keep their noses (or beaks in this case) to the grindstone, no matter what. Now in many ways this is a complete blessing to the overall productivity of society. Let me tell you, when these souls are in charge, things get DONE.
Now the good news is that gives the one with an artistic temperament a little breathing room to create because by golly, someone is in the kitchen cooking up dinner.
The problem comes in when the grindstone people look at the artistic people and think , 'wtf?'
Get off your lazy bum and do something practical.
In a perfect world, the hens would learn to chill a little and the artists would wield a broom now and then.
But the world is not perfect .... yet. We have hope however that eventually things will become harmonious between the doers and the creators of beauty. We wait fervently for that day ourselves.
From 404Error:
I got a late start on my garden this year. I planted most of my tomatoes from seed this year, then I killed them off when we had an early hot spell. I replanted them and am just now getting them into the soil. Will I have any kind of decent crop this year?
The Oracle Speaks:
My dear 404Error You live in the tomato capital of the world. If anyone has a second chance at tomato propagation, you do. Don't despair, summer lasts a long, long time. Just remember to give your plants enough water even when fall comes and the temperatures cool down. They may surprise you! For a little insurance however, I shall send the Tomato Fairy your way. She likes a challenge now and then.(Besides, she owes me a favor.)
From DancingStar:
Alrighty then almighty all knowing oracle, am I having a girl or a boy???
The Oracle Speaks:
Um... it would be helpful to us if you were a little more specific with your question. It could be taken many ways. 'Am I having a girl or a boy over for dinner?' 'Am I having a girl or boy as my foreign exchange student this summer?' 'Am I having a girl or a boy puppy as pick of the litter?'
(You see where I'm going with this?)
But I am going to go with the most common interpretation of your question. You mean will your unborn child be a girl or a boy.
Don't they have machines that tell you this kind of thing now?
(You have NO idea how many times I have been asked this question over the eons. It was one of the great mysteries for such a long time. I got a lot of mileage, I mean business, I mean ....never mind.)
I can tell you with almost complete certainty, you will have either one, or the other.
Or maybe even both!
Wouldn't that be special?
Now The Oracle of Pupik
would like to present you with
a special act of prestidigitation.
Prepare to be astonished and delighted.
We present to you .....
Wait for it......
Belle, the world's smallest Sheltie!
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[album 65561 Belle Undertable.JPG]would like to present you with
a special act of prestidigitation.
Prepare to be astonished and delighted.
We present to you .....
Wait for it......
Belle, the world's smallest Sheltie!
***
***
***
Currently residing with a trusted devotee of the Oracle somewhere on the west coast of America.