For some inexplicable reason, my DearDiary account has been inundated with new levels of unwanted spam. The spam filter that usually catches them and throws them in the digital trash bin for me, is so overwhelmed that some of them show up in my inbox now. It's beyond annoying.
One would love to look some of these creators of annoyance right in the eye and inflict some sort of bodily harm.
Alas, they are beyond our grasp.
But in the midst of my fuming this morning, I noticed something that lightened my mood a bit.
The spam emails usually contain some fake flattery of your blog post with strange phrases that give you the broad hint that English is not their first language.
For example, this is copied verbatim from one of my spam 'admirers'....
"What i do not realize is in truth how you’re now not actually a lot more neatly-appreciated than you might be right now. You’re very intelligent. You recognize therefore considerably in terms of this matter, made me in my view consider it from so many numerous angles. Its like men and women don’t seem to be fascinated unless it¡¦s something to accomplish with Woman gaga! Your individual stuffs nice. At all times deal with it up!"
I wish ( ) could take a few cues from my spam fans.
And wouldn't you like to know what 'woman gaga' IS?
But my personal favorite today was this one...
"I am really gipelris impressed with your writing skills as well as with the layout on your blog. Is this a paid theme or did you modify it yourself? Anyway keep up the nice quality writing, it is rare to see a great blog like this one today.."
I was immediately drawn to that wonderful little word, 'gipelris'. I was so struck by its quirky sound that I looked it up on Google, thinking it might actually BE a word. . . somewhere in the world. But alas, poor flummoxed Google could only ask me, "Do you mean 'gipper'?
No Googleramous, I don't mean gipper. I mean gipelris.
So here's the cool thing. We get to make up a definition for this orphaned meaningless spam word.
I had to look it up cousin T., and if I am correct, gipelris is being used in the above sentence as an adverb.
So I think we are 'adverbing' the word 'impressed'. Now the tricky part of this is that the spambot obviously cannot be impressed with my writing, as it has never read a WORD of what I have written.
(For which it should be truly grateful.)
Boy, you really have no sense of self preservation do you?
(I have job security, tenure, and an infallible sense of literary timing.)
You sir, are the penultimate dweeb.
(You used the word dweeb in two posts in a row. Very bad form.)
Never mind that, we are adding a word to the English dictionary. Try to keep up!
So here's my thought. Since the flattery of the spambot is patently dishonest, here is my definition:
gip·el·ris
adv.1. Insincerity of galactic proportions
2. Fakery of astonishing size and scope
gip'el ris′ly adv.
gip'el'ris′i·ty (gip el ris′ĭ-tē) n.
He kissed her gipelrisly on the cheek.
There was a gipelris quality to her apology that made Morris want to vomit.
***
I feel better now that we have coined a new word and given it a proper entry into the dictionary. You have my permission to use our new word whenever you think it appropriate.
Here's my first use:
Though I could often be accused of lack of decorum, doubtful logic, and questionable intellect, one could never say that I am gipelris.
I am now ready to nobly face the day with my chin up. Because I have struck a blow at the spambots.
Unfortunately, during the writing of this post, five more emails have escaped the spam filter and are waiting in my inbox and must be dealt with.
But I can say with complete confidence that each and every one of them is LOADED with gipelris.
Excuse me while I put some more weary miles on my delete key.