Do you believe that our life is stripy – black stripe next to the white one, then black again? You cannot have all black or all white, you’ve got to experience them in turns…a somewhat balance of the good and bad happenings…do you believe? I do.
Servers were crashing again…and other things as well…thoughts…plans…just that kind of a week…Crash-Week…and who likes it when things breaks anyway? But we fix them somehow, even if we haven’t got a clue how we do it…first reaction – frustration, then – cold thinking – and finally – I can do it and suddenly you do…strange way of hapennings…almost independent from your consciousness…anyway, all being fixed for now…till next crashing wave…
I’ve noticed how just by visiting the dr’s your chances of getting out of it healthier decreased with the amount of time you spent in waiting room…in your assumption that people waiting for their appointment are generally sick, you unwillingly tend to extend this at yourself…I went to the dr’s yesterday. It was supposed to be just a formality of getting a form signed by GP. General check up., blood pressure taken, easy kind of stuff. I left the dr’s office 20 years older and near-grave-ill…well, not really. But it wasn't a feeling of being healthy either. Somehow the general practice downgraded my health status...must be something in the air…there is something sad in recognising that you have grown to the age of doctor’s appointments, medical tests and prescriptions…
In the light of the walking on the black stripe even Switzerland’s vacation do not excite as much…maybe I’m making a mistake going this time…When ppl say "oh, you're lucky", or "you're rich" or "it is easy for you" they don't have a concept of giving up something for something else. It is not richness or luck - it is willingness to sacrifice something less important for the sake of what's more important to any particular person...
Yes, I do grab a chance to travel near and far. Not because I’m bored to sit in one place all the time. But because if I won’t do it now, I might never get another chance…besides, I have this vision from the past times, that imprinted in my mind forever. I remember seeing first foreign tourists slipping through the iron curtain. The most shocking thing about them was their age. There were mostly a bunch of pensioners, some with walking or even breathing difficulties. They would’ve been just taken around on these big airconed buses, watching the stranger’s world through the window, having no choice in which way to go and what to see. Of course the reasons were pretty obvious: once you’ve done your life’s job, paid your mortgage, brought up your kids, you finally free to live for yourself…only there is not much of that living left…I DO NOT WANT TO TRAVEL WHEN I AM TOO OLD FOR IT. I wish not just to see, but to experience, to breathe in, to touch, to taste, to walk on and to try the other worlds. While I still can. In my body and mind, not aided…that is why I am travelling when I can. That is why I’m closing my eyes to the facts that the house needs extension, the roof –replacing, the windows – re-installation and many many other things that will never gets done anyway. I’m putting aside and trying not to think of the few years time in the future, when I will have to bring my parents to live with us for good, as it is getting difficult for them to cope on their own…I am pushing away these thoughts, for I will deal with them when their time will come. And that will be the time when my travels will have to stop. When I will become bounded to the postcode…and after that…well…then, I guess, I will be too old to travel further then that anyway…So off I go now – flying different directions…wasting money as some might say…as some might say I’m a rich girl. And I would not deny that I’m better off then somebody else out there, though I have to work hard for this. But I think, I’m more rich in a sense that I have the luxury of choosing alternative. To pick up one of many, that at any particular time appears the best.
We can be so engrossed in our everydayness, so bounded by invisible ties of the daily needs, we forget there is a life out there…we concentrate on personal more then on what’s going on around. And it may have no use at all to see other ways of living…but not to see further own nose won’t make one richer either…that was piece of my personal little Theory of Wealthiness. You don’t have to believe it – each of us has his own one anyway.
Funny how getting around to it never gets you there…maybe because the path is a circle?
Servers were crashing again…and other things as well…thoughts…plans…just that kind of a week…Crash-Week…and who likes it when things breaks anyway? But we fix them somehow, even if we haven’t got a clue how we do it…first reaction – frustration, then – cold thinking – and finally – I can do it and suddenly you do…strange way of hapennings…almost independent from your consciousness…anyway, all being fixed for now…till next crashing wave…
I’ve noticed how just by visiting the dr’s your chances of getting out of it healthier decreased with the amount of time you spent in waiting room…in your assumption that people waiting for their appointment are generally sick, you unwillingly tend to extend this at yourself…I went to the dr’s yesterday. It was supposed to be just a formality of getting a form signed by GP. General check up., blood pressure taken, easy kind of stuff. I left the dr’s office 20 years older and near-grave-ill…well, not really. But it wasn't a feeling of being healthy either. Somehow the general practice downgraded my health status...must be something in the air…there is something sad in recognising that you have grown to the age of doctor’s appointments, medical tests and prescriptions…
In the light of the walking on the black stripe even Switzerland’s vacation do not excite as much…maybe I’m making a mistake going this time…When ppl say "oh, you're lucky", or "you're rich" or "it is easy for you" they don't have a concept of giving up something for something else. It is not richness or luck - it is willingness to sacrifice something less important for the sake of what's more important to any particular person...
Yes, I do grab a chance to travel near and far. Not because I’m bored to sit in one place all the time. But because if I won’t do it now, I might never get another chance…besides, I have this vision from the past times, that imprinted in my mind forever. I remember seeing first foreign tourists slipping through the iron curtain. The most shocking thing about them was their age. There were mostly a bunch of pensioners, some with walking or even breathing difficulties. They would’ve been just taken around on these big airconed buses, watching the stranger’s world through the window, having no choice in which way to go and what to see. Of course the reasons were pretty obvious: once you’ve done your life’s job, paid your mortgage, brought up your kids, you finally free to live for yourself…only there is not much of that living left…I DO NOT WANT TO TRAVEL WHEN I AM TOO OLD FOR IT. I wish not just to see, but to experience, to breathe in, to touch, to taste, to walk on and to try the other worlds. While I still can. In my body and mind, not aided…that is why I am travelling when I can. That is why I’m closing my eyes to the facts that the house needs extension, the roof –replacing, the windows – re-installation and many many other things that will never gets done anyway. I’m putting aside and trying not to think of the few years time in the future, when I will have to bring my parents to live with us for good, as it is getting difficult for them to cope on their own…I am pushing away these thoughts, for I will deal with them when their time will come. And that will be the time when my travels will have to stop. When I will become bounded to the postcode…and after that…well…then, I guess, I will be too old to travel further then that anyway…So off I go now – flying different directions…wasting money as some might say…as some might say I’m a rich girl. And I would not deny that I’m better off then somebody else out there, though I have to work hard for this. But I think, I’m more rich in a sense that I have the luxury of choosing alternative. To pick up one of many, that at any particular time appears the best.
We can be so engrossed in our everydayness, so bounded by invisible ties of the daily needs, we forget there is a life out there…we concentrate on personal more then on what’s going on around. And it may have no use at all to see other ways of living…but not to see further own nose won’t make one richer either…that was piece of my personal little Theory of Wealthiness. You don’t have to believe it – each of us has his own one anyway.
Funny how getting around to it never gets you there…maybe because the path is a circle?