An interesting thought visited me: have I grown up in my recent years? I’ve been travelling back in time in a curious quest to find out. Travelogues are not the only things I write about and I’ve been browsing backwards in my private place to fish out entries from the previous years to see if anything has been changed in my perspective…
In August 2003
I appeared to be concerned am I normal in a sense of “commonly accepted symptoms of normality”:
What's "being normal" means? Does this means: think a lot, but only the same way as majority do, so that social activity would not involve confronting? Or, perhaps, it's just means - don't think at all, wherever possible - fewer puzzles for mind - less troubles in life? When you say: "I'm normal, my life is normal" - what do you mean by that: wake up the same time every morning; same cup of strong coffee to bring yourself to sensible condition; drive same lines as a matter of habit on your way to work; say only when you expected to say something and smile regardless whether you expected to smile or not; waste the evening for the telly and short conversation with unconcerned family; ignore anyone and anything with potential of breaking up the “normality”...??? Being normal is not hard, although is not fun either. But maybe sometimes you just need to be normal, just for the sake of simplicity of life? Do we need our life to be simple??? Or at least: to be simple enough at some periods of a lifetime to give us a break? Hmmmmm...break from what, I wonder?...And there is a "danger" in it: you can get used to simple life too much...
I still think that normality only good for a short periods of time. in other times we need a shock to shake us off the comfortable idle tree
In August 2004,
I’ve been pondering an idea how do we know if we are going our own way, not somebody else’s way. In other words - are we going the right way at all?
Walking along. How often do we recognise the path we walking on, is it ours or –we accidentally trespass somebody else’s? We happily run alongside, when eventually realise that our destination is actually in another direction…It maybe not an easy walk, yet we still strive to compete. We would fall, stand up, walk further, then – fall again…and again…and again…how many falls are needed to finally get the idea?!
Now I’m pretty certain that when we are on the way we meant to be, we do know this. Generally if I don’t look for a signs, don’t ask the way, but just go without hesitation, that might just means I'm sure enough to say it is my path, the one I meant to be on. Trust your instincts.
In August 2005
it appeared I didn't have any particulary promiment ponderings and clever thoughts...a summer resess for my mind...
...So it's time to leave our home
And see the faces we've out-grown
Through the years we've kept our backs to the wind
So long, farewell, good-bye my friend
Sometimes you don't know why, but as soon as you switched on a player, the first song you hear is the answer to the question you're afraid to ask...
Last year, 7 Aug 2006
I had that obsession with the ways to deal with personal hurt. I would turn the topic over and over again and again, finding new ways only to discover they don’t work as good as they sound. I think, humans do not suppose to know “the ultimate cure” for hurt. Because we need this emotion to grow. We grow by learning to overcome what’s bad for us. And at each stage of life we do it differently. We become more experienced, less emotional, more rational…who knows, maybe eventually we will be totally immune…[*wishful thinking!*]
I found that one thing did change for me profoundly. When hurt we often run away to hide to lick the wounds…it is emotionally unhealthy exercise. The more we dwell on the hurt, the slower it heals…thinking at one thing over and over again feels like turning the knife in the wound…I found that in such unkind moments I tend to progress through several phases…I would experience a great deal of fear in the beginning…sort of “what do I do now”…then – the feeling of guilt “it’s all my own fault”…after that – ugly depths of self-pitying “I am so pathetic” kind of emotion…then this would grow into sarcastic stage of being…and finally – a philosophical reasoning, most often the wrong one…
I guess, this year I can say: I've been learning from my previous experiences.
In August 2003
I appeared to be concerned am I normal in a sense of “commonly accepted symptoms of normality”:
What's "being normal" means? Does this means: think a lot, but only the same way as majority do, so that social activity would not involve confronting? Or, perhaps, it's just means - don't think at all, wherever possible - fewer puzzles for mind - less troubles in life? When you say: "I'm normal, my life is normal" - what do you mean by that: wake up the same time every morning; same cup of strong coffee to bring yourself to sensible condition; drive same lines as a matter of habit on your way to work; say only when you expected to say something and smile regardless whether you expected to smile or not; waste the evening for the telly and short conversation with unconcerned family; ignore anyone and anything with potential of breaking up the “normality”...??? Being normal is not hard, although is not fun either. But maybe sometimes you just need to be normal, just for the sake of simplicity of life? Do we need our life to be simple??? Or at least: to be simple enough at some periods of a lifetime to give us a break? Hmmmmm...break from what, I wonder?...And there is a "danger" in it: you can get used to simple life too much...
I still think that normality only good for a short periods of time. in other times we need a shock to shake us off the comfortable idle tree
In August 2004,
I’ve been pondering an idea how do we know if we are going our own way, not somebody else’s way. In other words - are we going the right way at all?
Walking along. How often do we recognise the path we walking on, is it ours or –we accidentally trespass somebody else’s? We happily run alongside, when eventually realise that our destination is actually in another direction…It maybe not an easy walk, yet we still strive to compete. We would fall, stand up, walk further, then – fall again…and again…and again…how many falls are needed to finally get the idea?!
Now I’m pretty certain that when we are on the way we meant to be, we do know this. Generally if I don’t look for a signs, don’t ask the way, but just go without hesitation, that might just means I'm sure enough to say it is my path, the one I meant to be on. Trust your instincts.
In August 2005
it appeared I didn't have any particulary promiment ponderings and clever thoughts...a summer resess for my mind...
...So it's time to leave our home
And see the faces we've out-grown
Through the years we've kept our backs to the wind
So long, farewell, good-bye my friend
Sometimes you don't know why, but as soon as you switched on a player, the first song you hear is the answer to the question you're afraid to ask...
Last year, 7 Aug 2006
I had that obsession with the ways to deal with personal hurt. I would turn the topic over and over again and again, finding new ways only to discover they don’t work as good as they sound. I think, humans do not suppose to know “the ultimate cure” for hurt. Because we need this emotion to grow. We grow by learning to overcome what’s bad for us. And at each stage of life we do it differently. We become more experienced, less emotional, more rational…who knows, maybe eventually we will be totally immune…[*wishful thinking!*]
I found that one thing did change for me profoundly. When hurt we often run away to hide to lick the wounds…it is emotionally unhealthy exercise. The more we dwell on the hurt, the slower it heals…thinking at one thing over and over again feels like turning the knife in the wound…I found that in such unkind moments I tend to progress through several phases…I would experience a great deal of fear in the beginning…sort of “what do I do now”…then – the feeling of guilt “it’s all my own fault”…after that – ugly depths of self-pitying “I am so pathetic” kind of emotion…then this would grow into sarcastic stage of being…and finally – a philosophical reasoning, most often the wrong one…
I guess, this year I can say: I've been learning from my previous experiences.