They say you are only as old as you feel. Generally I feel much younger then my declared age, but there is that one day in a year when the reality checks in and suddenly it is her who is laughing in your face. The day our kids become older makes us feel all that age we've been ignoring. My baby is 28 today. Is it even legal to call a grown up like that?! He is a grown up, that's for sure. He is responsible and very independent, my boy. He makes me feel very proud as a mom. And I wish him all the happiness in life. But most of all I wish him health. He has his battles and he keeps winning them, one by one, as they come. And my heart wishes with all the mother's power that's enough already. There is no need to test him any more, please whoever is responsible for that, hear my prayer and leave him alone. All this time my biggest wish was and is to be closer, to be there for him, allways, to take at least some of life's loads off his shoulders, to take a good care of him. And yet I am staying in a shadow, watching over him quietly, ready to step in any moment if he'll need me. And proud that he finds his own ways with such a confidence. He is so strong, sometimes I wonder where does this comes from. And I wonder how much of this endurance he has got in his stocks still. And can't help but wonder if it would've been easier for him for his father to be there with him, to support him, to love him. After all, it was him to pass the curse. No, I do not wish him to feel the guilt, no. I just wonder at times, how can he not feel the need to protect his son. His only son. Well, as far as I can be sure in that, of course. But enough of the same. I am rather annoyed with myself for still shifting into this place of hurt and hate, despite of promising myself to never ever...
This is a happy day, a day to reflect on the past in a good way, a day to celebrate the past because the most amazing thing happenned 28 years ago and because this gift is still with me. Loved, cherished and quarded by my heart allways. Be happy, My Son. Stay well and be safe. Happy birthday to you!