Today we made it to church! I stayed up all night but yea!!! It was extra beautiful in so many ways!
We had a birthday present for a little girl there, I was mostly happy to have remembered and to be able to give her it, and the girls were so excited, too! We gave her a couple of pinkalicious books, a doll to go with it, and some dum dums, to drive her parents crazy :)
The songs were extra pretty, and I sang with my heart. I wanted to grab everyone and hug them, yet when they asked if I was ok, I felt like a liar because I just said fine. I don't mind ever talking about my eating disorder, but it's not easy for people to understand or listen to stories about it, unless they've been there. That's when it get's tricky, I never want to help or trigger anyone else with an ED so I am more careful and quiet. I am honest, too. My therapist never really had to worry about me trying to trick or manipulate her, because I tell her everything, even some of the worst stuff. Right now the biggest thing I am afraid of when I talk to her is that I am making a mountain out of a mole hill, and that is followed close by me worrying I'll have to go to a hospital and stay, any more then an out patient lab. I'll brave up for it and do it if that's what I have to do though! I want to get back to being on track again! I can't keep this up! I will only get worse if I don't get a grip on this now, and I am TIRED of being sick!
I am going to lay down and watch some more of this recorded special I have had on for hours without watching. Then try to go to sleep. I feel so much better about bringing this up, and now want to get past the hard part of telling R tomorrow. Finding out what I need to do. I have been taking about the same amount lately, but I am hoping I'll get some answers asap. Please pray for me, and wish me luck! thanks!!!