Hi!!!!
I'm back! I actually started to write in here again a couple of times since last monday but as always, something came up and I had to get off without finishing it and sending it. Right now I am going to try and shorten my week since I wrote last and then since I think about what Ireally want to write I will write one of those entries and then I'll keep the others that I've been thinking about stored in my brain till next time.
Tuesday group was fine as always, and I didn't see Tangy and doubt I will again, so that part was sad for me. She's a very sweet lady. The bad part was after group, see, Penny picked me up from home for group, then I had group, then Pam was taking me home and talking to me first about some things, mostly about the rape and having kids, and then my other therapist Steve was coming by for a quick family meeting that night. A lot of counseling! Plus Steve came to school and he stopped in the nurses office to see me, I took his blood pressure, but I must have moved or something, see, stephoscopes are very sensitive to sound and so you hear a lot of different sounds, you have to be used to one to decipher one from another, and I thought I heard this beeping sound at 160, but it was a lot stronger at 120, and then it stopped at 70, so I told the nurse that I first heard the beeping at 160, well, she got concerned and asked Steve if he had high blood pressure, or bp, and checked it again, I was right the second time. It was 120 over 70. That's weird that I know my therapists' blood pressure!
The bad part of group was when Pam stopped on the way home, she picked her adorable baby girl up at the babysitters and before she went in we saw a cat in the street, sitting up, crying miserably at us. She said oh, no! I hope he didn't get ran over, I just couldn't take it if he did! I waited for her to tell me I couldn't get out then finally got out of her car and ran ver to it, he was sprawled on his legs and his head and meowing, oh boy! I hated it, the sight. I was so sad! I picked him up and asked to take him home, and she said yeah, and got her baby and some paper towels and I sat it on my lap carefully, his stomach was so flat from a tire, and he was in pain, he fell asleep on me, though and I was afraid that it would die, so i kept doing something I remembered, when I was unconcious from od'ing the first time, the medics kept talking to me and really annoying me because it's like you're falling asleep, but I was close to dying, and they asked me what my birthday was, what school I went to, how old, just anyting to keep me awake and alert. I felt bad about it but I kept every once in a while poking the kitty a little just to make sure it was still here. Yet all I wanted to do was let it sleep and be tempo. pain free!
My mom yelled at me when she found out I brought "it" home, and I was just asking since Steve got there if I could take it to the animal hospital, and I did, well, I didn't have enough money, a way to pickhoim up the next morning, or somewhere for it to live after that so I couldn't keep it there overnight. For all of the tests and all, either. So we went home and I was rude to Steve but he got on my nerves and hurt my feelings and acted diferent, he gave me short answers and hurt my feelings, and I got tired of asking him if he was mad at me and I just didn't care. I was upset, but that's not an excuse but I did apologize to him and eveything, but he was still the same way and so this week, well, tomorrow I'm calling the office and saying I have plans and to tell Steve, Pam, all of the people not to pick me up, or expect me there to talk, or to come over later to talk. I love the counseling, they're great, but I'm taking a break. Besides, as my mom kept asking, she was like, who's Steve pissed off at? Me, or You? I didn't say anything, I said I don't know.
The rest of the week went ok, but Sue stole ciggerettes from me and so I'm distancing myself, and I'm going to have another GREAT week and my newest diet starts tomorrow, and I want to be thin esp. by the time I may get to see someone again, someone that loves me and showed it and the results were I got forbidden to see her, but I may just try, and hopefully will, she's flying home friday and I'm going to try, well, I'm going to go get stuff ready for school and I have to lye down, there were a ton of people here ealier, including two different kids that are supposable getting over being sick, I am congested now, I have a stuffy and runny nose, and my head feels weird not exactly headachy, but and my chest is hurting, I am more like dragging. I get sick a lot, but usually it's not very bad or long, well, I'll write more later, take care! I miss hearing from you all, and Paul, i got your postcard, and Kip, I got a cpr mask from my dad, now I need to learn how to do it froma class and get certified! Love you all! Mary
I'm back! I actually started to write in here again a couple of times since last monday but as always, something came up and I had to get off without finishing it and sending it. Right now I am going to try and shorten my week since I wrote last and then since I think about what Ireally want to write I will write one of those entries and then I'll keep the others that I've been thinking about stored in my brain till next time.
Tuesday group was fine as always, and I didn't see Tangy and doubt I will again, so that part was sad for me. She's a very sweet lady. The bad part was after group, see, Penny picked me up from home for group, then I had group, then Pam was taking me home and talking to me first about some things, mostly about the rape and having kids, and then my other therapist Steve was coming by for a quick family meeting that night. A lot of counseling! Plus Steve came to school and he stopped in the nurses office to see me, I took his blood pressure, but I must have moved or something, see, stephoscopes are very sensitive to sound and so you hear a lot of different sounds, you have to be used to one to decipher one from another, and I thought I heard this beeping sound at 160, but it was a lot stronger at 120, and then it stopped at 70, so I told the nurse that I first heard the beeping at 160, well, she got concerned and asked Steve if he had high blood pressure, or bp, and checked it again, I was right the second time. It was 120 over 70. That's weird that I know my therapists' blood pressure!
The bad part of group was when Pam stopped on the way home, she picked her adorable baby girl up at the babysitters and before she went in we saw a cat in the street, sitting up, crying miserably at us. She said oh, no! I hope he didn't get ran over, I just couldn't take it if he did! I waited for her to tell me I couldn't get out then finally got out of her car and ran ver to it, he was sprawled on his legs and his head and meowing, oh boy! I hated it, the sight. I was so sad! I picked him up and asked to take him home, and she said yeah, and got her baby and some paper towels and I sat it on my lap carefully, his stomach was so flat from a tire, and he was in pain, he fell asleep on me, though and I was afraid that it would die, so i kept doing something I remembered, when I was unconcious from od'ing the first time, the medics kept talking to me and really annoying me because it's like you're falling asleep, but I was close to dying, and they asked me what my birthday was, what school I went to, how old, just anyting to keep me awake and alert. I felt bad about it but I kept every once in a while poking the kitty a little just to make sure it was still here. Yet all I wanted to do was let it sleep and be tempo. pain free!
My mom yelled at me when she found out I brought "it" home, and I was just asking since Steve got there if I could take it to the animal hospital, and I did, well, I didn't have enough money, a way to pickhoim up the next morning, or somewhere for it to live after that so I couldn't keep it there overnight. For all of the tests and all, either. So we went home and I was rude to Steve but he got on my nerves and hurt my feelings and acted diferent, he gave me short answers and hurt my feelings, and I got tired of asking him if he was mad at me and I just didn't care. I was upset, but that's not an excuse but I did apologize to him and eveything, but he was still the same way and so this week, well, tomorrow I'm calling the office and saying I have plans and to tell Steve, Pam, all of the people not to pick me up, or expect me there to talk, or to come over later to talk. I love the counseling, they're great, but I'm taking a break. Besides, as my mom kept asking, she was like, who's Steve pissed off at? Me, or You? I didn't say anything, I said I don't know.
The rest of the week went ok, but Sue stole ciggerettes from me and so I'm distancing myself, and I'm going to have another GREAT week and my newest diet starts tomorrow, and I want to be thin esp. by the time I may get to see someone again, someone that loves me and showed it and the results were I got forbidden to see her, but I may just try, and hopefully will, she's flying home friday and I'm going to try, well, I'm going to go get stuff ready for school and I have to lye down, there were a ton of people here ealier, including two different kids that are supposable getting over being sick, I am congested now, I have a stuffy and runny nose, and my head feels weird not exactly headachy, but and my chest is hurting, I am more like dragging. I get sick a lot, but usually it's not very bad or long, well, I'll write more later, take care! I miss hearing from you all, and Paul, i got your postcard, and Kip, I got a cpr mask from my dad, now I need to learn how to do it froma class and get certified! Love you all! Mary