Oh no!!!!!!!!!
First, I can finally say that there can be no way that i'm pregnant, I had quit thinking about it for a while until my latest monster came up, so I know that I need to lose weight, fast. What a waste, I even ate three meals a day for a little while in case I was pregnant!!!
I'm back to not eating again, which really sucks because tonight we just had to plan our second family dinner, and it'll be the second, litetrally, in years. Mom is planning on having chicken and dumplings, peas, carrots, salad, brownies, et cetera. I am worried. I am scared, too. I know that if I am sitting down in front of the food I'll eat some, and to start off doing well again, eating disorder wise I need to not eat for 5 days. That's part of my rules. I will just have to not let tonight set me back too much, I will have to practoice discipline so that I won't have that much on my plate, I will use my cramping as an excuse like usual if I have to, like I did so I could stay in the nurses office during lunch today, and I will throw up every thing that goes in my mouth, too. All I had was when I came home form school today., a sweetened ice tea. Then I realixed what I was doing, also realized that we are eating dinner tonight at home, and I started freaking out. About the stupidest things, I guess so that I didn't shout soemthing like I can't eat, I haven't been, and I don't want to start over, it'll ruin everything!!!!!!!!!!! There, I feel better now, I yelled it in here, kind of.
I don't know how I'm going to see Ms. H, she is home for only today, and I don't know what excuse to use to go somewhere and see her. BBL ok, a ldy came in here, she's helping with the diner, she's a family friend, we call her our aunt, aunt mary.
I have already been getting ready for dinner, I ate a candy bar, I'm eating these bites, little peanut butter balls, and I'm drinking diet rite, i'm going to kep eating and drinking till ZI can go to bathroom afterwards, because I think it slows down digestion, I may be qwrong, but it feels like it does to me, and so I've done that a lot, I have a lot of strange rules for myself, that I live by, esp. when I'm really into the ed, I guess you can say well, time to get going, take care
OK< NOW DINNER IS OVER, i HAVEN'T HAD A CHNCE TO ESCAPE AND NOW i AM NTIRELY TOO BIG AND TOO PISSED AT MYSELF TO DO ANYTHING.
EARLIER i CALLED A L;ADY AND mS. H WASN'T THERE, SO I DIDN'T GET TO SEE HER, AND ALSO i MISSED lOREN CALLING ME BECAUSE WE WREE EATING DINNER THEN, SHE CALLED TO GIVE ME AN ADRESS ON WHERE THE PROGRAM MET TONIGHT, THE YOUNG LIFE PROGREAM, SHJE IS THE GIRL THAT TOOK ME HOME FROM SCHOOL FRIDAY, AND TONIGHT SHE WAS INVITING ME TO THE THING. i WISH i WENT, IT'S GOING TO HELP ME A LOT IF AND WHEN i GO, i CAN JUST FEEL IT. pLUS i THINK THAT IN A WAY gOD HAD IT PLANNED, THE WHOLE THING, SO i NEED TO TRUST HIM AND GO ALONG WITH IT. gOTTA GO, MOM WANTS TO USE COMPUTER SO SHE'S ORDERING METO GO TO SLEEP HAHAHAHA
First, I can finally say that there can be no way that i'm pregnant, I had quit thinking about it for a while until my latest monster came up, so I know that I need to lose weight, fast. What a waste, I even ate three meals a day for a little while in case I was pregnant!!!
I'm back to not eating again, which really sucks because tonight we just had to plan our second family dinner, and it'll be the second, litetrally, in years. Mom is planning on having chicken and dumplings, peas, carrots, salad, brownies, et cetera. I am worried. I am scared, too. I know that if I am sitting down in front of the food I'll eat some, and to start off doing well again, eating disorder wise I need to not eat for 5 days. That's part of my rules. I will just have to not let tonight set me back too much, I will have to practoice discipline so that I won't have that much on my plate, I will use my cramping as an excuse like usual if I have to, like I did so I could stay in the nurses office during lunch today, and I will throw up every thing that goes in my mouth, too. All I had was when I came home form school today., a sweetened ice tea. Then I realixed what I was doing, also realized that we are eating dinner tonight at home, and I started freaking out. About the stupidest things, I guess so that I didn't shout soemthing like I can't eat, I haven't been, and I don't want to start over, it'll ruin everything!!!!!!!!!!! There, I feel better now, I yelled it in here, kind of.
I don't know how I'm going to see Ms. H, she is home for only today, and I don't know what excuse to use to go somewhere and see her. BBL ok, a ldy came in here, she's helping with the diner, she's a family friend, we call her our aunt, aunt mary.
I have already been getting ready for dinner, I ate a candy bar, I'm eating these bites, little peanut butter balls, and I'm drinking diet rite, i'm going to kep eating and drinking till ZI can go to bathroom afterwards, because I think it slows down digestion, I may be qwrong, but it feels like it does to me, and so I've done that a lot, I have a lot of strange rules for myself, that I live by, esp. when I'm really into the ed, I guess you can say well, time to get going, take care
OK< NOW DINNER IS OVER, i HAVEN'T HAD A CHNCE TO ESCAPE AND NOW i AM NTIRELY TOO BIG AND TOO PISSED AT MYSELF TO DO ANYTHING.
EARLIER i CALLED A L;ADY AND mS. H WASN'T THERE, SO I DIDN'T GET TO SEE HER, AND ALSO i MISSED lOREN CALLING ME BECAUSE WE WREE EATING DINNER THEN, SHE CALLED TO GIVE ME AN ADRESS ON WHERE THE PROGRAM MET TONIGHT, THE YOUNG LIFE PROGREAM, SHJE IS THE GIRL THAT TOOK ME HOME FROM SCHOOL FRIDAY, AND TONIGHT SHE WAS INVITING ME TO THE THING. i WISH i WENT, IT'S GOING TO HELP ME A LOT IF AND WHEN i GO, i CAN JUST FEEL IT. pLUS i THINK THAT IN A WAY gOD HAD IT PLANNED, THE WHOLE THING, SO i NEED TO TRUST HIM AND GO ALONG WITH IT. gOTTA GO, MOM WANTS TO USE COMPUTER SO SHE'S ORDERING METO GO TO SLEEP HAHAHAHA